AGING II

     I have mentioned a series of radio programs that deal with the elderly. I've found them interesting and informative.

    They are on CBC ,the Canadian broadcasting corporation. The program is the current. The next issue is Monday morning.

   Heads up. the next program is on gray divorce . Divorce rates have gone down in every age group in Canada except  seniors. 

   I will be listening.

   As an aside 90% of divorce over 80 is caused by obsession compulsion. 90% of senior murders are a result of obsessive compulsion. 

SENIOR CARE

     I've been enjoying a series on senior care on the CBC's  the Current. 

     Today they had a couple of sisters talking about the care of their mother and step father. They described a tremendous amount of push and pull. The mother and step dad wanted to stay in their home and look after themselves. The sisters know that the step Dad is struggling to cope. The sisters feel guilt about putting their mother in care. There are many different issues competing with each other with the potential decisions that are going to have to be made.  

    Who makes the decisions. The person with dementia is still cognizant enough to be in on the decision but can't make a rational decision. Family members don't always agree. The siblings doing the most care feel that they should have more clout in the decision. 

    It was interesting to listen to these two sisters discuss their mother's care. 

   Not all families have a nice cut and dried family dynamic. 

   Our family had a different set up. My Dad had remarried so there was a step Mom. Dad was the one who developed Parkinson's and needed care. For a few years our Step Mom was able to look after Dad. She had 2 of her own children in the community.

   Our Step Mom had things figured out. For a decision she would call Dad's 4 sons. She was skillful in getting us to agree to the same thing. Then she would  go to Dad and say, " the boys say..." Then he would agree.

   It finally came to the point where Dad had to go in care. He didn't want to live in care so told our Step mom the he would go back home which was 300 miles away. She asked Dad how he was going to get there. He said he'd take the train. The train hadn't run for 50 years. That was the end of the discussion.

   Even though our step mom has been gone for a long time she still deserves a pat on the back.

   Our step Mom died before Dad so Dad did get to go back home but in the nursing home. 

SENIOR CARE

      Most of the time I listen to a CBC program from 8:30 to 10:00 AM. It covers topics of current interest or if it's not of current interest, they will make it current interest. 

     A while ago they had a series on care for seniors. They had experts from various fields and covered the usual topics of health, housing and quality of life.

    They set it up so that listeners could keep on commenting through emails. People write in and it's surprising how many different options there are. There are may family controlled and organized accommodations for lodging and care. Everybody has their own story.

    It's interesting to listen to those stories and realize there are many options. 

    The big problem is that many elderly do not have options. Some have very limited finances. Some have health issues that limit their options. Some people don't want any of the options and want to live independently. Sometimes independence is not an option. So we have some people who are unhappy with the options.

    It's a challenge for society to care for the elderly. In the fifties my grandfather lived in our home for his last 5 years. In some ways it was good and then there were problems. My Mom had an extra load to look after him. I think he always felt that he was a guest who required special treatment. I'm sure he would have been happier living on his own but that was not an option.

    So often I listen to this information and all of a sudden I say "That's me they're talking about." As long as we're healthy we can sail along and remain independent. But there will come a time when independence is not an option.

   All we can do is make some realistic plans. We have looked at senior accommodation. After that we don't know what we're doing. 

    

VISITING WALTER

      I have written several times about Walter. Walter was my neighbor, a retired college professor and a character.

      It was always interesting to stop and visit Walter or to go for a walk with him. He never wanted to turn around and go back home.

     Walter was a talker. His interests and knowledge were broad. He was bright and curious. He held nothing against you if you disagreed. He would respectfully listen to your point and go on.

     In my last post on Walter I told how he was removed from the home because his dementia had caused great insecurity for his wife. Walter stayed in the local hospital for a month and then a place was found for him in a senior's facility that took dementia patients.

     I went to visit Walter yesterday and I was appalled at the deterioration I found in him. Walter hasn't known me for a year but he would always tell people that I was a "good guy." He had always described me as a "good guy" and I will always remember that complement.

    I have seen dementia patients but I wasn't prepared for what I saw yesterday. I got there at a bad time as he was to go for supper in 5 minutes. I tried to explain that I would visit for five minutes as he had to go for supper. He replied that he was going to have a sleep. I pointed to the clock. That meant nothing to him. The water was  running in his sink. I pointed it out and he went in and was talking to the guy in the mirror. He had a jigsaw puzzle on a table. He told me not to touch it that it was somebody else's jig saw and he would be mad if I touched it.

    I just wasn't prepared to see somebody like Walter in total chaos. He has no sense of time. His wife told me he cannot read the clock or understand time. The staff came to get him for supper so I thought I walk with him to the dining room. He completely forgot that I was the person who came to visit him.

    What an awful way to end your life!

     I wasn't even a "good guy " yesterday.

Getting Old Has Some Funny Parts

     Most of the time we hear complaints about getting old. "Getting old ain't for sissies." I can't do this anymore or I can't do that anymore. This doesn't work. That doesn't work. My ears don't work very much anymore!

     Now some of the complaints about aging are very real and serious. Strokes, heart attacks, cancer. The medical establishment seems to have a bucket of pills to throw at us for every ailment. It's debatable how much good the medication actually does.

      Some people worry about their health. We can't help it. Some people worry about their end.

     Seniors tend to associate with seniors so much of the news isn't good. My 87 year old friend had a bike accident this summer and broke his right femur. He's doing okay and is ready to come back birding with me.

     However from time to time I experience things that just crack me up. This morning I was putting my underwear on when I noticed I still had the pajamas on!!! I wish I could have seen the look in my face. I had a little chuckle. I sometimes look for 10 when I'm doing a Sudoku. I have a silver car. My friend caught me trying to unlock her silver car. Did she razz me about it! That one really catches your attention.

    Now some people really worry that they are losing it when small things like this  happens. You're only losing it when you have the underwear in your hand and don't know what to do with it. We have some mental lapses when we age. I have trouble remembering things in a conversation. I cannot remember a book title or author at the time of the discussion. These things, although frustrating , are not serious.

      Now I have one medication that's really worth it. I have senior epilepsy. What's that you say? Google it. You'll be surprised.  I had spells of not making new memories. It's common to many seniors  and many times they land in the nursing home or worse. If diagnosed properly , you live a healthy normal life. 

    This week was my annual medical check up. I like my physician. He does a thorough check and explains what he's doing as he goes a long. At the end he gives a summary. So I'm in great condition right now. I also visited my optometrist this week. Yes , I have  few issues but they are not serious.

     So I try to keep aging in perspective. I have to keep in mind what territory I'm in.  Seniors are fragile. things can change very quickly even though we look after ourselves well. 

     I hope all the senior bloggers are doing well in mind and body.

Another Senior's Residence I'll Pass

        My micro manager loves anything that's free. She had a free ticket to go for lunch at a senior's residence in town and spend the afternoon with a friend who is a resident in the facility. This is a facility where residents rent a little suite. They can make their own meals or eat in a dining room. 

       Now I've written about senior's residences before. This one was better than the last one but certainly had a major glitch.

       Lunch was to be served at 12:30 but it didn't get started until 1:00 and didn't finish until 2:00. Now if you've got nothing to do and you're not hungry, I guess this would be okay. I'm sure some people may have an appointment booked before the lunch was complete and they would have to miss part of the lunch or all of it. Probably some people for health reasons should eat at a regular time.
  
      Now I would fault a late lunch on principle. Residents pay good money for their lunch and to have it on time. End of argument. So what happens when the terms of the contract are not met? In this case nothing I guess. 
      
   Now the facility had an excuse for the late lunch. This was a holiday week end and a number of staff had conveniently called in that they were not coming to work! Well okay, it's not against the law to be sick. Now some workers may have been abusing the system. The bigger issue is why didn't the facility have arrangements made so that when they were caught short staffed they could find staff for an emergency? All they could do was get administration staff to come to their aid and it was far from adequate. 

    Now many of our senior facilities are like this one. You rent a space, get meals and enjoy a few social activities and get transportation around town. Most people move into such a facility when they really need it.

    I think I'll pass on this type of residence unless I have no other options. I would rather stay in my own home with some assistance.

One Place Don't Want to go to

    Now I can't think of very many places that I wouldn't want to go to. I'm sure some people have places they'd like to send me. I probably wouldn't like those places.

     This is about senior care. Most of us will end up at some level of senior care before we take our leave. Since I visit people, I have been in a few senior care facilities. The two facilities my Dad lived in were a community of staff and residents. They did the best they could for Dad.

    I found a senior care facility recently in which I would  not want to become a resident.

     A few posts ago I told you about Mitch finding a long term recuperation bed. I visited him 5 or 6 times while he was recuperating. I made up my mind that it was a very poor facility for seniors.

    The place is a privately owned and run facility. It's huge with about 50-60 suites and  various rooms. So they have people who rent a small suite and are completely independent. There are people who rent a small suite and take meals in the dining room. There are other people who need some care with dressing, washing or medication.

    I saw an exercise room but didn't see any other amenities because I didn't look. Nobody was in the exercise room. There was a lounge for snacks and coffee. People sat around there by themselves but didn't seem to be enjoying a coffee.There was a small library with books, magazines, games and newspaper. Mitch was the only one I saw use the library. Mitch can read three newspapers a day.

    People seemed to be roaming around by themselves and completely unoccupied. These people were not ill or suffering dementia. There was no community. These people were completely lost and alone. I thought what a wretched place to live. They house and feed the people but not much more.

    There were three people around a front desk who were superficially very, very pleasant. But that doesn't transfer to the occupants.

    So I decided that this was I place I would never like to become a resident.