I've been enjoying a series on senior care on the CBC's the Current.
Today they had a couple of sisters talking about the care of their mother and step father. They described a tremendous amount of push and pull. The mother and step dad wanted to stay in their home and look after themselves. The sisters know that the step Dad is struggling to cope. The sisters feel guilt about putting their mother in care. There are many different issues competing with each other with the potential decisions that are going to have to be made.
Who makes the decisions. The person with dementia is still cognizant enough to be in on the decision but can't make a rational decision. Family members don't always agree. The siblings doing the most care feel that they should have more clout in the decision.
It was interesting to listen to these two sisters discuss their mother's care.
Not all families have a nice cut and dried family dynamic.
Our family had a different set up. My Dad had remarried so there was a step Mom. Dad was the one who developed Parkinson's and needed care. For a few years our Step Mom was able to look after Dad. She had 2 of her own children in the community.
Our Step Mom had things figured out. For a decision she would call Dad's 4 sons. She was skillful in getting us to agree to the same thing. Then she would go to Dad and say, " the boys say..." Then he would agree.
It finally came to the point where Dad had to go in care. He didn't want to live in care so told our Step mom the he would go back home which was 300 miles away. She asked Dad how he was going to get there. He said he'd take the train. The train hadn't run for 50 years. That was the end of the discussion.
Even though our step mom has been gone for a long time she still deserves a pat on the back.
Our step Mom died before Dad so Dad did get to go back home but in the nursing home.
