Thursday, January 19, 2012

Memory Keepers

       On January 1, 2012 my sister, Doreen  would have been 69 years old. Instead Doreen died in February of 1953 at age eleven years.


       Doreen was a very healthy active child. She became ill and it was thought that she had a cold. She did not get over the cold but was up one day and down the next. She didn't seem to be able to beat what ever bug she had. The family Doctor decided to admit her to the hospital. Her condition became worse and she was sent to a city hospital. She continued to go up and down. My Mom stayed in the city and my Dad spent as much time as he could with her at the hospital. Antibiotics didn't seem to be doing any good. At the end of two weeks Doreen suddenly passed away. 


     This death was devastating to my parents, her brothers and the community. The loss of their daughter was something that stayed with both my parents until their passing. 


     My Dad died in 2008. With that the keeping of the memory of Doreen passes to her brothers. Most of the people my parents age are gone. Very few people now would have met Doreen. My youngest brother was born after Doreen's death so he never met her. 


     In the 1950's it was considered that kids didn't mourn and that deaths would soon be forgotten. No one talked to us about Doreen's death. People talked to Mom and Dad and expressed their sympathy and support. My brothers and I just continued on with our lives. My brothers and I did not talk to each other of Doreen's death until we were in our fifties. We know now that this is not the way to handle losses with kids. 


     However, we survived the loss of our sister. Now we are some of the few left who will keep her memory . People will visit the cemetery and be able to place her in the family. Soon there will be no one living who will have actually known her. 

21 comments:

  1. In the early days of this century, many children never lived past their childhood. Nowadays it is acceptable to mourn their passing, but then it seems everybody just pretended it didn't happen. I think today's way is much healthier, Red.

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  2. I, too, have a sister Doreen. I'm so sorry you never got to enjoy your sister's life into adulthood. But it's wonderful that you remember her so vividly.

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  3. Djan, since I was a middle school teacher I sadly learned that each year some students would experience loss. Since losses are devastating to kids and affects their learning success, we had to learn to work with these kids and their loss.

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  4. Chartreuse, Doreen is not a very common name today. One always wonders what might have been when a life ends at such a young age.

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  5. So sad that you lost your young sister, Red. Like DJan said, grief in children was not really acknowledged. That had to be so difficult for you and your brother(s). I like the term "Memory Keepers." It's an important task.

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  6. Hilary , the loss caused some problems but we also learned from it.I never would have taken some responsibility to reach out to kids I was teaching when they experienced loss.

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  7. Red this is so sad, I can't even imagine losing one of my siblings; it was hard enough when my Dad died, I was only 4 1/2 years old then. Us four sisters, we never had any brothers, have always stuck together and life sure wouldn't be the same if something were to happen to one of my sisters.

    Times have changed so much since we were children, today there is help for children who have experienced losses. This is a step in the right direction as far as I'm concerned, kids are so sensitive and this wasn't recognized when we were children.

    Take care my new blogger friend.

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  8. Thanks Darlin. I think losing a parent at age 4 1/2 would be a devastating loss. We are four brothers so for Mom and Dad to lose their only daughter added to the loss.

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  9. It seems that nobody talked much about death in the '50s. The next-door neighbor lady was dying, and nobody told her. Even at 6, I thought that seemed wrong. Sorry you brothers couldn't grieve openly for your sister, but in a way it's impressive that you were able to talk about it later in life.

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  10. I think losing a child must be the hardest loss to suffer. I'm sorry you lost your sister at such a tender age, but glad that you have shared your memories of her.

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  11. I agree Knatolee that losing a child would be devastating. I know how my Mom and Dad grieved for her. I have only recently thought about being some of the last people left who had actually known her.

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  12. Blissed Out Grandma I feel that we learned some things from the tragedy of loss. I think we do better with losses children suffer. Recently had a 42 year old dad who passed away leaving three boys. They were involved with all steps in their Dad's illness.

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  13. I am sorry Red, it must have been difficult not talking about her death and her short life. I always think that sharing the good memories with the bad is a good thing. Perhaps it was too painful for your parents to talk about.
    You are a good memory keeper..and since you wrote about her..we all know about her too:)

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  14. trekking your superb blog! keep blogging and inspiring people!

    cheers!
    ..TREK..

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  15. Far Side , there was lots of talking amongst the adults. We listened but were not part of the conversation. Yes it's different now and for the better.

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  16. Thanks Icedgurl for trekking my blog. With words like superb it may go to my head! Thanks for the compliment.

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  17. Thanks for sharing a piece of your past!
    Tracey

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  18. Tracey, I'm sure that many people have lost siblings.

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  19. I know what you mean about holding memories.

    to live in hearts we leave behind is not to die

    My late mother's sister died at age 16. She was a legend, frozen in time.
    Thought provoking post, Red!

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  20. Jen , I think that these memories stay with a family for a number of generations , but over time they fade away. When my Mom and Dad were living Doreen was remembered each day.

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  21. I'm sorry, Red! How horrible that must have been. I also remember children were to never know they were adopted.

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
    http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com

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