Friday, November 16, 2012

Don't Freak Around Me!

      I can completely get thrown off my game when someone around me loses it and melts down and in some way lays blame on me. I don't have much time for some one who gets bent out of shape for everyday events. I can accept somebody being greatly upset when the time calls for it. Accidents, frights, threats, extreme events. One I'll never forget is when we were called back from the lake because our basement had flooded. I remember my wife coming in the house and standing at the top of the stairs and being completely overwhelmed and devastated. She was inconsolable. For these things our normal instinct is to show some strong emotions.

     What bothers me most is when people  purposely lose control or are not in control of emotions as they should be. Exaggerated reactions are just not pleasant. Yes, I can listen all day to some one who has great stress. Yes, I will make an effort to assist someone who has been put in a stressful situation. How much of the melt down incident is to influence those in the area?

     I would expect that the proper and right thing to do is exert self control so that those around can respond appropriately. This is where I come in. I do not function well at all when scenes are made. They throw me right off my game and I am not at my best. I am able to recognize an extreme situation. Very rarely do I have to be told. In that situation I can be of some assistance. Now some of this may be explained as when I encounter my own stress, I'm more apt to withdraw. I've been known to go to sleep. I have also heard of other people following this routine. I find that if I take some quiet time and think about the stressful situation I am ready to come up with a more suitable solution for the cause of the stress.

    I found that as a teacher it was much easier for students to perform if they had a calm, quiet atmosphere to work in. I sometimes think of the horse or dog whisperer and how this could be used with children. I rarely yelled art kids. When I did yell, they would look at each other and say, "I guess we better smarten up because he never yells." When a child was upset it always worked much better if you could use a quiet approach.  Getting angry or excited did not help the kid when they were upset. I remember one boy becoming extremely upset one day so much so that he was going to leave the classroom. This was fine by me as he could go out and calm down and he wouldn't lose face in front of his classmates. He accidentally tripped on the overhead projector cord and it bounced up to the ceiling and broke one of the light bulbs. Then things changed to the safety mode for the  kids covered with glass.

     So if possible I would prefer that we deal with stress so that it allows people around us to respond in their best form. Maybe we''ll all have a better day when all of us have a better chance to solve a situation.

    What do you think? How do you deal with over the top situations? How do you deal with your own stress?

29 comments:

  1. Hi Red,

    Greetings from Montreal, Canada. What a great post. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It is great that you are able to look and see your weaknesses and understand how best you can cope with any given situation. I so agree with you on the dog and horse whisperers (respectively).

    As far as how I deal with stress...sometimes I handle it very well if I am able to remain calm and not let it get to me. Other times I feel overwhelmed. Thanks for a great post.

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  2. Thanks for visiting Hiawatha House from Montreal.
    gGod point that we don't react the same in similar situations.

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  3. these days i cry easier than i have in the past. i used to retreat and brood over things. rarely do i lose it and spout off, but i've had my moments.

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  4. We certainly have our moments and we change from time to time. I certainly get the blues from time to time. I have to be aware of it because some medications I take can bring depression.

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  5. I couldn't help wondering what happened to give you the idea for this post! Sorry, but that's me: always looking behind what's written to wonder about what's not written. Enjoyed your post anyway.

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    1. Yes, that's a good observation to make.
      When I wrote it there was certainly some evidence that there was something behind my idea.

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  6. Hmmmmmm! Interesting!!!! I have been known to erupt aka Mt.Vesuvius, however that I THINK is well in the past. Now I just sulk and then quickly think "what the bloody hell". I have better things to worry about than other people's problems and stupidity.
    I think if you were to stress about all the weird and stupid things that happen these days on planet Earth, especially politics, you would be an immediate candidate for the "nut house", and I don't mean where the enterprising squirrels put their winter supplies!!
    Some people in the US would be, after the 2012 elections, prime candidates for this establishment at the moment. Life does go on, just "grin and bear it".
    As you get older, life is too precious to worry about stressing out. Just have a good quiet sulk and forget it. Kicking the cat is not the answer. Anyhow that is cruel.
    No charge for this advice - ha ha!
    Dr. C.F.Huggins (Brisbane.Australia)
    PS: at 11.30am an horrific electrical storm hit here. Knocked out everything!! Only lasted for 20 minutes.
    I went to bed! Looks like #2 will be here soon.
    Damn!

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    1. Each of us has our own way of handling things. I prefer a calmer approach. I think as we age we mellow.

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  7. First time here :-)
    Agree with you on your approach.
    Taking things cooly and talking softly helps in many ways than yelling and ranting.

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    1. Thanks for visiting Hiawatha House. I think it's better all around to be calm but that is easier said than done.

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  8. When my car window was smashed and my purse stolen (last Christmas Eve) and the thief used my cards and had a key to my car and my address (from my driver's license) I was inconsolable for days. I would cry at the drop of a hat. It lasted for about a week and then I was over it. But I don't deal with stress like that nearly as well as I once did.

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    1. Your experience was one that is really shocking. I remember. You wrote very well about it.

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  9. I guess I just learned to react to stressful situations, watching my Mom and Dad and how they reacted and how stressful situations never really upset our family. We just looked at it, like, OK, lets fix this. There were very difficult times like when our house burned to the ground. My Mom Cried, My Dad held her and held us and I remember him saying - IT WILL BE ALLRIGHT - WE WILL BE OK. For Mom or Dad to face the trials and tribulations that they did and come out smiling, I guess that left us OK to handle life in a similar manner. Today I see the young kids blowing off steam and most people do not seem to care or most parents - there is a lot of anger and frustration in this world today and I think it just falls back to the basics - no one is home to teach the children and in many situations when the parent is home, they are just too tired to deal with anything. Just my input Red, Great Post and have a great day.

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    1. You had a very supportive family. My dad was married twice. His first marriage to my Mom was a very poor relationship. His second marriage was a very kind and loving relationship. So you could write a book on this one.

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  10. I swim laps when I get really stressed out. I find that some sort of physical activity helps me put things into perspective.

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    1. Hey, good old swimming. For some swimming becomes an obsession.

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  11. I have to say that although I try to exert self-control when feeling stress or facing an over the top situation, it's not always the same and I'm more or less successful in my effort to stay on top of things. Moreover, there are so many factors in the game and sometimes it's better to stay calm, sometimes it's good to show one's anger. Don't you think so?

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    1. Sometimes what we really want to do is difficult to achieve. For some it clears the air if they blow their stack. It's kind of tough on those around them.

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  12. Such good advice for working with students...that is exactly the advice I give myself!

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    1. We give ourselves the advice but sometimes it's hard to follow.
      Interesting how former students will tell you that," You should have kicked my butt. I deserved it."

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  13. we talk about this so much in our house...we cannot control people or events but we can always control our reaction to people and events...and that is why we have to practice self control, otherwise it becomes too hard to control our reactions... in our culture and in our schools, self control is never considered or even discussed.

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    1. Practising self control goes a long way to controlling people and events around you. Self control gives you power. You give your kids a great skill when they learn to look after themselves.

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  14. If someone raises their voice I shut down and ignore them. I usually have a nap if I am really stressed out..I used to clean..now I am older so I nap. Things always look better after a nap:)

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  15. I used to nap. I found that I usually had a solution when I woke up and I also felt better.

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  16. I am like Far Side...I love me a nap. Once I get rested...everything looks happy again.

    Linda
    http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
    http://deltacountyhistoricalsociety.wordpress.com

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  17. Great rant. I agree. I think TV does a lot for supporting the ability or the divine right of people to take their anger out on others. I have been the victim a couple of times in the last month. I have sworn off being on any Board of Directors again. Too much petty politics. I resigned in the meeting.

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  18. Red I like you're approach to dealing with stress, you're so level headed. I don't freak out when stressed, I try to never let them see me sweat and I like to do different things when I'm stressed. I like to visit my medicine wheel and look at where I'm out of balance in my life, then work on correcting it. I also like to write and find my solutions in the writing I do, and there's the Serenity Prayer which I often fall back on. Don't sweat the small stuff comes to mind and I can't say honestly that I never freak out, my 17 year old niece can be extremely challenging to live with and I'll leave it at that.

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