Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Were You Ready to Leave Home?

    Now is the time when millions of young people are about to move out of the house for the first time. They have finished high school and have enrolled in some type of post secondary program. Or they may have found a job that is in another location. At any rate many people are leaving the house and their parents for the first time.

   Some youth want to leave the house. Others are not so sure that they want to leave and be on their own. Some are ready to leave and others are not ready to leave at all. 

    My daughter was accepted into a journalism school that was at the other end of the country. She had also applied to other schools and programs and had been accepted. She had choices. Her number one choice was the school at the other end of the country. She decided not to go as she just wasn't sure that she was satisfied with the living conditions and being so far from home. She stayed home and spent a year at the local college and then had confidence to leave and be on her own. She became much more independent during the year at college. She learned more about money and learned some basic housekeeping skills like washing clothes. She was not home sick. It was harder for Dad to see her leave than it was for her.

   Some people are not remotely ready to leave and live on their own. They are lacking confidence and have not grown into independence. Part of the reason for lack of confidence is the their own self esteem. They don't know how to handle money. They have no idea how to look after themselves. They have a place to live but don't have a clue what to do. 

   When I finished high school I was in no way ready to go out and live on my own. My Dad found a boarding place for me. Mistake. I should have found my own. I was terribly homesick. I looked around at my classmates and they seemed so much more capable that it intimidated me. I stood there with my eyeballs hanging out instead of learning how to be more independent. I could look after my money, but that's about all. I had no idea how to wash clothes. I could buy some clothes but even that was pathetic.

   So for all the kids who are leaving home this year , I wish you success and that you learn how to live on your own. Being able to live on your own will greatly increase your success in the program you are taking.

   So what were your experiences on moving out? What was good and what was bad?

34 comments:

  1. I was so ready to be on my own when I left for college. That and I really wanted to be a teacher and that meant I needed to go. Of course it helped that one of my best girl friends from high school would be there as well and I was only three hours away from home. The fact that the cute boy I had sat beside of for four years of high school would also be there probably played a big part. :) The homesickness did hit now and then but I made friends and I loved being on my own.
    I think in some respects today would be easier. Cell phones, social media, and Skype bring us together much more readily than back when I left home. But today kids haven't been prepared very well as to what to expect. My kids both worked during their high school years. They learned how to manage money that way and save for what was important to them so when it came time to manage away from home they had some idea what to expect. I think those kids who are 'handed' everything from cell phones to cars have a hard time when they are finally on their own.

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    1. You're right. In some ways it' better and other ways so much more complicated.

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  2. I'm still not ready to leave home. I ought to have a carer.

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    1. Yes, when I look back home was pretty good. I get your point here!

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  3. I join you in your good wishes to those leaving home. Things are slightly different over here because the distances are nowhere near as vast as in your country. When I left home to go to college it was only 80 miles from home and my son went to Sheffield - only about 30 miles away.

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    1. You also have a huge transportation system that makes it easy to travel.

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  4. I couldn't wait to leave home and couldn't wait to get back either. Reality slapped me after a few months of trying to make it on my own.

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    1. I think you were probably in a very large group that found the same thing.

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  5. Oh Red I remember the exact day both my girls one by one left to pursue their education far away, it was indeed harder one me but I knew they would make it as they had all the skills to do most everything on their own but the homesick thing did make an appearance and that was hard on all of us. Good luck to all our grads and their poor parents. A little bit of advice for them....Keep in touch "Phone your Mom" she worries:) B

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    1. Hey, it's not only Mom's who worry. This Dad certainly worried.

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  6. To be honest, you couldn't see me for the dust!! I was ready to get away from home, my parents, the whole bit. And I did fine. I always was careful with my money.

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    1. The majority of young people do well.

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  7. P.S. My daughter was fiercely independent too. But she stayed at home and attended college right in the city we lived in. At the end of her second year, she moved in with friends on the other side of town. She is now happily married (10 years), has a 2 year old, a new baby coming in Sept. and she and her husband just purchased their first home. She has her Masters Degree and teaches school in Alaska.

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    1. Wow! What an achiever. And I bet you miss them when they are so far away.

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  8. I got married at 18, pregnant and at the end of a shotgun (figuratively). It was awful, and of course it didn't work out. But wherever my parents were was considered "home" and I would visit there often. It was hard to leave but I had no choice.

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    1. So you leaped before you looked! I think parents should not put too much pressure and if they think somebody would benefit by a staying home for a year after high school they should do it.

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  9. In 1972 I moved to Hedrick Hall on the UCLA campus. I was nineteen and loved being on my own, even though I gained weight on all of the unlimited dorm food.

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    1. Student residence is the way to go. Good times!

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  10. i was the last of 8 children. it was very difficult for me to move out and leave my mother to deal with my father alone. then a year or so later, i ended up moving 1100 miles away. it is still difficult for me to think about leaving my mother so many years ago.

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    1. The first child and last child have some added challenges compared to the others.

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  11. It takes courage when you're young to get out there and live on your own. My 21-year-old daughter started doing that right before she turned 20, and it was a huge learning experience with many adjustments. It sounds easier than it sounds!

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    1. Yes the learning curve is very steep.

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  12. My child took a year off after high school. got a job and learned responsibility before going to college. Smart move on his behalf. He never really got home sick. I did! LOL!

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    1. I think more kids should do this. It gives them more time. They don't have school to be tied up with and can concentrate on other good things.

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  13. I left home and went to England to study Nursing at Kings College Hospital - missed home like heck; but the history of Europe unfolded before me - not in a book, but in reality. The funny part of all that was I did not know a soul in this new foreign land, and met a girl beginning in my class from Hampton, New Brunswick (approx 18 minutes from my Mom's house) - we became best friends.

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    1. You were very brave! It's also something that changed your life.

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  14. I loved moving out! I also loved going home to visit. My youngest daughter was a lot like me in this. My oldest cried for about two weeks straight and called home several times a day. I really do think she was ready, though, she just didn't realize it. It's different for everyone.

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    1. Again it's just as hard on Mom as the young person.

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  15. I spent two years away at college and got so homesick, I finished college closer to home so I could live with my parents. That probably wasn't a good idea. I should have dealt better with the homesickness. Then I moved over 500 miles away to go to grad school and stayed there for 5 years. It was good for me to become more independent. I still got homesick, but being so far away with responsibilities, I dealt with it better.

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    1. A few years experience under your belt goes a long way.

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  16. When I graduated we lived out West I left home came here to New England for college but ended up living with my Grandmother. She enjoyed the company and I wast completely lost having just left home.

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    1. Some of us just don't seem to be able to anticipate what being on your own would be like.

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  17. I went away to a four year college 200 miles from home and came home during summers. I lived in a dorm, which is a wonderful moratorium on growing up and being completely independent. At the end of those four years I was more than ready to be on my own, but with a roommate still.

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  18. I left home a few weeks after graduation. I was in beauty school but my parents wouldn't pay for an apartment they wanted me to live with relatives so I quit school got a job and a apartment...and was married six months later. I grew up fast, hard to survive without parental support. I guess they figured I would come back home to the farm and work...but at 17 that was the last place I wanted to be. My brother and sister who went off to school got full funding...but not me:(

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