Saturday, October 15, 2016

A SAD ENDING

     I have written about one of my neighbors on this blog before. I live about 7 houses away from him and always have a good visit when I went by his place. We have also walked together. We've attended community events. In other words , I know him very well.

    Said neighbor was a college instructor in psychology and also spent time counselling. From my visiting with him, he was a good counsellor. He knew the statistics and a whole lot of other things from a very active life. He was a very active bee keeper and was well informed about raising bees.

    Yesterday the roof fell in on his life. He was taken out of the home due to his dementia. For the past three years it was obvious that he was not well. He talked in very general vague terms. Physically he lost weight and became very frail. He always tried to present himself  as the same old guy. He was always going to call me and we would go walking. He never called and I was not going to ask him to go walking. He was not going to admit that he had any problems so you can't talk to a guy about his dementia if he refuses to admit he has dementia. His wife isn't going to talk about his dementia as he would argue about it and there would be a very uncomfortable situation.

     So life carried on under difficult circumstances for them. Family was supportive to this couple.

     For the last 6 months his condition worsened rapidly.

     Recently things became acute. He threatened his wife. He was going to kick her out of the house. He obviously thought she was someone else. She called the police over one incident. Nothing was done. A few days later she called emergency and he was taken out of the home and admitted to hospital. She felt guilty about turning him in but it's the only option she had. Her physician had told her that she had to make a decision.

    The next day she visited and they found that his dementia medication was very incorrect so some of his anxious behaviour was due to incorrect medication. However, he will not be able to come home.

   So I find it very sad that there's such a crash ending to a relationship that has been enjoyed for over 60 years.



43 comments:

  1. i am sorry. unfortunately, it happens so frequently - to good people.

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  2. That is indeed sad. I don't know if it's true but I've heard people with dementia often turn on the ones they love. None of us want to come to the end of our days in such a situation.

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    1. He thought his wife was a stranger in his house and he wanted her out.

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  3. A lot of times when taken out of familiar surroundings the condition becomes more apparent. Sad to see a friend slip away.

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    1. They can cope for a while as long as there's a set routine in their life.

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  4. I hope they get his medication straightened out. His poor wife must be so sad :(

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    1. His anxiety level was helped but he's finished as far as living at home. she can't look after him anymore.

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  5. That is indeed very sad. Dementia is such a tragic disease. I'm sorry for your friend and his loved ones.

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    1. Dementia takes control of the whole family.

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  6. Dementia is such a cruel disease. One of my good friend's mother suffered from it and she just passed away last May. My friend spent over three years caring for her mother.

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    1. It's very difficult for the care giver.

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  7. This tragic story is too familiar. We all hope we will never encounter this frightening turn in the road. We went to a recent celebration and re-connected with an old friend who also, although he knew us, could not tell us how old he was, what had happened yesterday, etc. It was sad and for those of us aging it is terrifying.

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    1. I try not to dwell on the topic as far as my situation is concerned. However, time rolls on and in some way or another we come to an end.

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  8. Ohh life you can be so cruel!!why some get a hard life and someone dances like on the top of roses..Only God knows..Dementia untreatend is a bad condition..And its no cure for it..It is very sad all of it..that life and marriage after so long should be ended like this way..i only hope you friend now is not having any pain..that he is in peace with himself in his own world..and that the wife continue her life and find happiness again.

    Great post Red.Love people that talk from reality and daily life..I take my hat of for you

    Kindly regards Anita

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    1. Thanks Anita. Sometimes it's hard to talk about and understand why some things happen.

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  9. That is the worst scenario that can hit you. It is a terrible disease for everyone involved. I experienced it with my mother-in-law and my own mother.

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    1. It's also very difficult for the care givers.

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  10. It is such a cruel disease. I'm sorry.

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    1. I would meet him and expect the same old guy but he's gone. He's just not there anymore.

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  11. Have to agree with Anita. Something from daily life is something I enjoy in a blog. Great, but sad, post.

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    1. It's a challenge to make things from daily life interesting.

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    2. You are so right! Thanks for doing the "Replies" thing on here. I think it is great. I think it adds a lot to any blog to do this, but it sure takes some time. By the way, thought you might like an update on Joyful of SNAPTHAT blog. Her mom had a stroke a while back. Joyful has been very busy and decided it was best for her to stop publishing her blog as it was becoming a distraction to her. I clicked over to her blog to thank her for a comment she left on mine and the page came up making it look like she had taken the blog private. I happened to have her email, so I wrote her and she told me she had completly taken it off line for a while. I just thought you might want to know this if you are trying to go over and comment on her blog.

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    3. Thanks for the update on Joyful. I still get the odd comment.

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    4. Thanks for the update on Joyful. I still get the odd comment.

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  12. That is a tragic story Red. When we get old we should be able to sit in our rocking chairs looking into the sunset, recollecting our lives. Dementia is an awful thing.

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    1. You've described the ideal. very few get the chance to end their lives looking into the sunset.

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  13. My mother's two sisters are currently in the throes of dementia and are in memory care homes. It is so hard for all concerned.

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    1. You see the physical person but the person you know isn't there anymore.

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  14. How awful. I think it is a fear we all entertain, that of losing our mind. We cared for my grandpa through a similar situation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

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    1. Yes, my Grandpa lived in our home until the last few weeks of his life.

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  15. So very sad, Red. I wish there were something I could say that would make it better, but I cannot. How depressing an ending to a long relationship this is. :-(

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    1. I think that dementia will be divided into many different kinds and then some of them might be treatable.

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  16. My husband has cancer. You cannot compare the worst or the best. Tell me the best. Who knows. Our life story is just what we have to deal with, and make the best of it. My dad had dementia with a tumour. You jut have to deal with it.

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    1. It's hard to accept what you get and carry on. You're right. You can only make the best of it.

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  17. There are good days and bad. Here we take them one at a time & try to keep going...:)

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    1. The good and bad days seem to become more exaggerated as time goes on.

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  18. Oh, no. How sad. Dementia is so scary. I hope once they adjust his medication he'll be better, even if he's not able to return home. It would be nice if he and his wife could at least communicate more effectively when they're together.

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  19. Dementia is such an awful thing. It must have been very stressful for his wife, having to deal with that for so long. Although it will no doubt be a different and difficult living alone, I hope she at least has a bit of peace knowing that her husband is in a safe place, and she is safe herself. Very sad indeed...

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  20. It is a very cruel disease. I have had two friends whose husbands suffered from it, and both had to go to a place because their wives just couldn't cope. One with the violence and the other her heart problems got worse with the stress of it all. I do hope there will be a cure one day.

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  21. OH my gosh... This is so very, very sad.

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