I usually attend 4 or 5 memorials a year. Most of them are for elderly people. The format is much the same. One sad part now is that many people request no formal service be held.
This week I attended a very different celebration of life. The deceased had been murdered...shot by his wife. The victim was 36 years old.
As with many of domestic homicides things get fairly complicated in a hurry.
I knew the victim when he was younger. He lived across the street from me. His parents still live there.
The guy was an extremely aggressive business man who didn't take no for an answer. If you couldn't do what he wanted he would do it himself. He didn't have much time for rules. Rules weren't for him.
Now I was rather surprised that a memorial for him was being held in a church. He had issues with drugs so maybe he was influenced and helped by the church.
Now the victim's parents strongly support his wife who shot him. Apparently He had a list of people he was going to kill. One of the people he intended to kill was his Dad. So the couple had a dispute and the husband was killed. Apparently drugs were an issue and he had been on something for three days.
The victim's parents told me that they strongly supported their daughter in law.
The wife was let out of detention to attend the memorial. A letter was read from her to say how much she thought of her husband.
Eulogies painted a great picture of the victim. The last time I talked to him he admitted that there were many people who didn't like him.
So with tragic incidents there are usually many questions and few answers. There are many comments and suppositions. It's a jumble in many people's minds.
So many times when I attend a memorial I come home and have some satisfaction and closure of the loss. This service was meant to bring closure and I hope it did for many people. I'm sure some people are like me and have many questions that will take a long time to be answered.
Drugs are a horrendous thing when used other than under a medical person's care; they bring much heartache, ruin and loss. I'm sure most of the people at that service have the same questions and thoughts running through their heads that you do. You have been close to this whole thing and it must be very unsettling.
ReplyDeleteI worry about the family and how they have to live with this .They just can't lock it way from their life.
DeleteHow very sad this is for everyone involved. I wonder if this man suffered from mental illness as it certainly sounds like he had many issues. Often a person becomes involved with drugs or alcohol as a means of self medication. I'm sure the circumstances made this service particularly sad for many lives were changed by his death. This must be difficult for you and the micro-manager since you are close to those involved.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't claim to be close but it is right next door. I think drugs did much to the guy.
DeleteWow! Such a sad story. I am glad the parents and DIL can agree on something in this sad situation.
ReplyDeleteI hope they can keep up this relationship.
DeleteThis sounds like a young man who has had troubles all his life, and like many who go undiagnosed and untreated, he eventually self medicated. It is sad for everyone involved.
ReplyDeleteYou've nailed it. He had issues right from the start.
Deletei feel for his wife dear red !
ReplyDeletei am sure it was not easy for her to do so
we hear and read about people who kill their parents and others because they were restrain for them to get their drugs
i wish politicians who give protection to drug mafia can realize that their own children can victim of this horrible thing
but i know that only thing they care about is money and power
family and humanity does not exist for them
I like your last point...family and humanity have no existence in their lives.
DeleteHello, drugs can bring much pain to the person doing drugs and their family. This was a sad and tragic incident. I am glad the wife has some support. I am sure there are many questions. I hope you find some answers. Happy Sunday, enjoy your day! Wishing you a great new week ahead!
ReplyDeleteFor some drug users it swallows their whole life and they are lost.
DeleteSuch a tragic story. You are right, many questions.
ReplyDeleteTragedy for many...
DeleteHow tragic. He sounds like he was very troubled throughout his life.
ReplyDeleteHe had issues ever since I met him.
Delete...there are lots of angry, troubled people out there.
ReplyDeleteThey lose control of their life.
DeleteSuch a sad story. I feel bad for all the people involved. I can't imagine the anguish everyone must be feeling.
ReplyDeleteThey seem to be coping at the moment but this is a life changing incident.
DeleteOh my. Sounds like the young man had many problems and needed some metal health/drug intervention. :(
ReplyDeleteHe had all these problems and yet he was a multi millionaire.
DeleteIf there hadn't been a gun in the house, maybe that young man would still be alive. A very sad and tragic way for life to end.
ReplyDeleteSomehow with these people they do obtain guns.
DeleteHi Red, I think it is good that you attended the service trying to find some closure on this. These kinds of situations are so complex. Drugs can keep us alive or bring on death. I hope you will keep us posted on how things turn out for the wife.
ReplyDeleteRight now she's hoping to get out on bail and has a preliminary hearing in sept.
DeleteSad to create such havoc in your life that a bullet had to stop the agony you inflicted
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what happened. He'd lost control.
DeleteThat is sad.
ReplyDeleteSad for many.
DeleteI hope this person will be able to get some help to begin her life again. What a tragedy. Not your usual memorial situation. :-(
ReplyDeleteMany lives have been changed in this incident.
DeleteWhat a terrible situation. It is interesting the way the service was handled, considering what happened.
ReplyDeleteVery sad story but am glad the wife has her in-laws support. She probably saved someone's life that was on his hit list.
ReplyDeleteWhat a very sad story Red, I hope his wife, his parents and family can find peace.
ReplyDelete