At this time of year millions of parents are taking their children away and not bringing them home. Yes, it's that time of year when College starts up and children leave our home for the first time.
Martha at Ploughing Through Life posted about attending an open house. My neighbor across the street has been worrying for the last year about her son leaving the nest.
We have our kids for 17 or 18 years. We do the best to raise them so that they become responsible and independent adults. However, that process can not happen with the snap of a finger. Growing up and maturing is a process that happens over a long period of time. It's not finished at 17 or 18 years of age. For some the process is faster and an end or plateau is reached where they become responsible adults contributing to society and raising their own children. For others it's a much longer journey. For me, it was the much longer journey. I was sidetracked many times and had to try things that were just plane unproductive and destructive.
When we leave our kids out there, there are many things they have not experienced. Peer pressure goes to another level. They are entering a whole new world and want to be accepted. Anxiety can rise and kids become vulnerable.
On the other hand when we leave kids somewhere for the first time, the learning curve is very steep. They're on their own and can't fall back on familiar supports.
Parents have a tough time to drop kids off and leave them. It's a major change in the family. It's a loss and we all know that a loss is a challenge. We love our kids and don't want to see them leave.
Kids put on a brave face and want to leave and have many reasons to give for "getting away." But deep down they are just as anxious over being dropped off. I was very homesick when I was dropped off. I'd only been in a city half a dozen times. I came from a one room high school. I was dropped off in big time and had to sink or swim.
So I hope that everybody has the best parting possible. Both parents and students will experience growth in the process. The first weekend they come back will be joyous. When they go back and the house is quiet we will heave a sigh of relief.
My kids are 43 and 45 and I still remember them leaving for the first time. I didn't like to see them go.
Do you remember being dropped off? Or did you leave on your own time?
I rode the bus and was happy to go to school because they had books, something that we did not have at home. I love to read so going to school was important to me:)
ReplyDeleteI had some kids who would read all the time. Other teachers didn't like this. I thought kids who read all the time would probably get as much from that as going through the lessons.
DeleteI remember taking our first son off to University and not really knowing how he would feel because I'd been at Uni in my hometown and lived at home until I married.
ReplyDeleteAs parents we worry about how the kids will do.
DeleteI wasn't exactly dropped off. My sister came with me instead and we spent a few days together. She was still a high school student so it was good exposure for her and I enjoyed having her with me in my first few days in dorm.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a good way of doing things.
DeleteI went fairly smooth. I had some anxiety when my children flew away from the nest, but tried not to worry. Laughed the other day when my oldest gave me motherly advice. LOL
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't take long before you start getting advice. We also ask our kids their opinions too.
DeleteThere are a lot of emotions involved during this stage. I'm very excited for my daughter albeit a little anxious that she'll be in another city. But that's the growing process. I'm relieved that at least she can take care of herself. She knows how to cook, clean, do laundry, handle finances, use public transport and everything else in between. We are not 'helicopter' style parents and lovingly pushed her over the years to be independent. There was resistance to some of our pushing when she was younger, especially when we insisted she learn to take the bus and get around the city, but she's realizing now how much it's paying off. I will miss having her here but I'm happy knowing that she's able to take care of herself.
ReplyDeleteI think it's harder for Moms to let go. You sound like you did all the right things.
DeleteI was married at age 19! What a dumb thing to do!
ReplyDeleteIn hindsight it was the wrong thing to do but back then you didn't have the benefit of hindsight.
DeleteYou are a wise man!
DeleteI am lucky to have been extroverted enough that I was looking forward to school and never thought about it, and then when I left home it was to get married. That was WAY harder than leaving for school. :-)
ReplyDeleteEarly marriage is usually a rough way to go. We're just not ready for it.
DeleteI think that neighbor you are referring to is possibly me? Thanks for sharing your feelings about this topic! Drop-off on Monday went well, and guess what?? I survived !!!! Well, so far, anyway. But it's only day 3!
ReplyDeleteTracey
Yes, when I thought of this post I was thinking of you and how it went. Then I got thinking that many other people would be doing something similar. Click on the link and you'll see Martha's experience. I really would have like one of the face book photos but I wouldn't ask. I also like what you and terry did were you wrote about Landon and how you loved and admired him for what he is. I'm sure it will help him a great deal to know what support he has. Thanks for dropping by.
DeleteI left for university, and oddly never felt homesick about it.
ReplyDeleteYou can do a lot better without the baggage of homesickness.
Deletei work with a woman who just took her only child to college, but she says the joy in his voice every time she talks to him makes her realize he's happy and experiencing all sorts of new things, and that keeps her from being sad.
ReplyDeleteShe did all the good things when she raised him.
DeleteI drove off to UCLA and had the time of my life. No problems being on my own; of course my parents were always there as a safety net.
ReplyDeleteYou start way ahead of a guy like me who had issues to deal with.
DeleteMy granddaughter Madison (an only child) will be a senior this school year. Only one more year at home before going off to college. Is it hard to let them go. I remember leaving home, not to go to college but to go to work for the first time. I cried because my baby brother cried.
ReplyDeleteI remember both laving home and having my children go off to college. It was hard, but I think it is a necessary challenge. I think it good for both parents and children and a necessary right of passage.
ReplyDeleteI do remember being dropped off many years ago. I think my parents suffered worse than I did. And of course I remember dropping off my kids too. Before my daughter was taken off to college, we sat her down and told her we were giving responsibility for her life over to her. It was her job now, and she needed to make careful decisions. i don't think she always did, but she, and we, survived the process.
ReplyDeleteThis is a real nice post with lots of empathy.
ReplyDeleteI applied for a student loan and filled out an application for Kings College in London, England - got both and then announced to my Mum that I was going to Europe to study. I kept quiet, because I thought neither would happen. WOW. I didn't realize how hard that would be for her.....but I was ready to travel, study and see the world. Real nice post Red.
ReplyDeleteI remember very well my parents' car driving away while I looked out the second story window of my new dorm room home with big tears running down my face. Of course, I put on a "I'm fine, I can handle this" face while saying goodbye! Yup, exciting and terrifying. Very hard watching my daughters do the same.
ReplyDeleteRed I remember my first apartment, I was 16 but lived in the same small town as my Mom and many relatives so the transition wasn't too scary. With my adult children leaving home, it's difficult and I absolutely love it when they all come home for a visit, but my baby is now 26 and has been on her own for quite some time as have I, thank goodness I have my dog and a plethora of friends as I'm not so sure about this empty nest thing! For me it's a love/hate situation I do believe.
ReplyDelete