I was reminded by email that I had a medical appointment with her. I looked at the name on the email and it wasn't who I expected. A second look told me that it was her husband's name and she was Mrs--- I was surprised as I think most young women keep their maiden name when they marry of a hyphenated name.
I told her of my surprise at a different name and said I thought I had been changed from being her patient. Then she told me the reason. It had to do with continuation of the male family name. The guy she married was the last male in that line of the family.
This really got me thinking. Continuing the family name? The male family name or female family name. Now I know lineage is important for genealogy research. But does it have to be the male lineage or female lineage that's followed.
Now those who spend time in genealogy know that there are many challenges. In my family my Dad changed the spelling of our family name. At the time his family just about disowned him. However, in years to come, what difficulties will people face in trying to trace family lineage? Other families have legally changed their family name. Then there are the crooks who invent aliases for themselves.
In my case I have a son and a daughter. I have 2 grand daughters. Some people might freak about that situation.
Now lineages can be done whether there is a patriarchal or matriarchal system. The society must agree to a system. The Iroquois and Navajo had matriarchal systems.
Now I had a good laugh at my daughter when she got married. She had said for years that she would keep her name when she got married. We finally got the old girl married off when she was 39. What did she do but take her husband's name. What was her excuse? She was applying for American citizenship and thought someone may take issue with her keeping her name. She thought someone may doubt her sincerity to becoming an American citizen.
So I'm wondering about people's preoccupation with the continuation of the name. I know that in my grandparents and parents day keeping the family name "going ." was important.
I think it's all a personal choice. Whatever makes people happy is the right choice.
ReplyDeleteYes, personal choice and societal patterns.
DeleteI think continuation of the family name used to be important in earlier times, but it appears to be less of an issue these days. My daughter's boyfriend's last name is his mother's maiden name, and both his parents last names are now different than his.
ReplyDeleteNow that gets complicated.
DeleteI think it used to be more important...hence big families and more trying for boys!
ReplyDeleteGirls dead end a family branch...it goes on but it is more difficult to trace.
I hear you as I know you do family trees.
DeleteI'll have to agree with Martha's comment above. What's happened to the hyphenated names? I don't see them so much any more.
ReplyDeleteWe go through stages.
DeleteMy family name ended with me, I had 2 girls who accepted their husbands name
ReplyDeleteHowever, I'm sure you have cousins and somehow things carry on.
DeleteI think all that has passed. My children have three different last names. But I am adopted, so lineage doesn't matter for me.
ReplyDeleteMy ex-late-father-in-law's name was changed from Martyn to Martin when he went into the RCMP. MISTAKE, which often happened when people came to Canada.
My one son had his name changed back to Martyn. My daughter changed her name to her husband's. She is a professional, and had paperwork to do. I was rather surprised!
It makes it easier for teachers, when kids are involved, but seriously, who cares?!
Thoughtful post!!!
My kids are adopted and I think of them as part of the overall family. If somebody wanted to separate them from the family I would be most upset. So would they.
DeleteI took back my maiden name after three failed marriage. Now that I'm married again, at fifty I saw no reason to change it. Maybe that was all I needed to do to make the marriage work. It's been almost 25 years and we're going strong. Good post, Red; made me think. :-)
ReplyDeleteI rather like women keeping their family name as a surname.
DeleteI took my husband's last name (many years ago) but essentially dropped my middle one, using instead my maiden name. My father had two daughters, so my son's middle name is my maiden name. One way to keep a name going a bit longer.
ReplyDeleteThe English have a long tradition of the son carrying the mother's surname.
DeleteMy family name is not going to die off for a long long time; however, its not that important to me anyway. I think it used to be most important at one time, but now I am not so sure it is? Good subject Red.
ReplyDeleteWe seem to be able to discover our roots from a long time ago. I'm wondering if anything dies out.
DeleteBob is one of 12 children, 7 boys and 5 girls. You'd think there would be several to carry the family name but not so. All the male grandchildren had girls except our son. Our grandson is half Japanese which unfortunately would send great grandpa spinning in his grave. Hopefully we're moving away from the burden of carrying a family name.
ReplyDelete12 kids? There were many large families at that time. With smaller families individual lines die out but the main family group goes on.
DeleteMy grandfather had four daughters, no sons. He wasn't that concerned- there were nephews, so the family name got passed along anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe name itself is not that permanent. I once met a Chinese immigrant whose surname was Olson.
DeleteYou may be surprised to learn that Pudding isn't my real last name. My real last name is an old Yorkshire surname. Very few people carry it and partly for that reason I am very proud of it but it is starting to look as though my son will never be a dad and I feel quite sad about that. I want to see the name continued.
ReplyDeleteI think we like to have grandchildren. However as long as our kids are happy is the main thing.
DeleteMy dad had lots of siblings so our last name isn't in jeopardy.
ReplyDeleteI wonder how many people have changed their surname to my surname?
DeleteI never really cared about the family name going. There's plenty of people with my surname around
ReplyDeleteIt seems older people and generations care more.
DeleteTo each his won I say. I think it's great in this day and age that people can do what feels right for them.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I'm ok with whatever works and all are happy with it...:)
ReplyDeletechanging names can be messy. keeping a hyphenated name gets complicated because you usually have to 'pick one' to go by on systems and at work, etc. keeping one's name as a married woman still makes people raise eyebrows and wonder...
ReplyDeleteThere were two boys in my family, and my brother had kids, so our name is moving forward. (Although he had two girls, so it's only moving forward by one generation!) My mom's maiden name, on the other hand, is dying out in our branch of the family -- her brother (my uncle) had three daughters. I'm not sure anyone is all that concerned.
ReplyDeleteWhen my great grandfather came here he changed the ending of the family name from -sdahl to -stad. We always thought that was funny because, how was that more easily pronounced or more "American"?
ReplyDeleteI kept my maiden name for a couple reasons. My father had no sons so the name for this branch of the family would have ended, plus I had a career where my name was known and it was a good idea not mess with that. To each his own! Both my daughters changed theirs.
I remember my father-in-law hinting by saying when my husband and I were about to marry, "There's some modern women choosing not to take their husband's name. You won't do that, will you?"
ReplyDeleteMy uncle was the one who was supposed to carry on the family name since he was the only male of five children. Unfortunately, he had three daughters. Ah well... so it goes.
I thought my daughter was going to keep her name, but she didn't in the end.