Saying hello to strangers is regulated to some degree by cultural customs. Some cultures have hard and fast rules about when and how you greet a stranger. Here we have different customs depending on what part of North America we live in. It also depends on whether you live in a large urban area or smaller cities and rural areas. The location and situation you are in also dictates whether you greet strangers.
In larger cities people stare ahead and try to get where they're going as fast as possible. They behave as if you weren't on the street. In some areas safety is an issue. We don't know if someone will take offense to our greeting. Some people seem want to be protected in their own space.
When I ride my bike on the trails I say hello to everybody I meet. Most people return my greeting. The odd one ignores my greeting. When I'm in the mall or a large store I don't greet anybody. Today I took nine birders on a 5 km (3 mi) trail. There were many other walkers. All of us greeted one another and quite a few conversations took place. It was pleasant to talk to strangers. Some were interested in what we were doing.
Now I happen to think there is value in greeting one another. It affirms our existence. It must be difficult to go about your daily business and be ignored by people. We have to have some confidence to greet strangers. It's a pleasure to get a positive response.
My father loved to talk to strangers. He had many stories to tell about the interesting people he met. Being a farmer in the country he talked to anybody who was around.
I had a strange encounter that I'll not forget for a long time. A young fellow was sitting on a bench beside the trail staring out across the small valley. I stopped because I wondered what he was looking at. I greeted him but got no reaction whatsoever. I waited. I started to wonder about the wisdom of talking to this guy. Finally he replied. I responded and it was a long time before I got a reply. I was about ready to get out of there when he offered a comment that wasn't a response. He told me that he had lived in the area as a child and knew the area well as he'd played in these woods.
So there is some risk in approaching people.
So what do you do? Do you greet strangers? Do you talk to strangers?
It depends on the circumstance. If I'm hiking I always say hello to everyone I meet. Same with running. But if I'm commuting on the train, or walking around my town, I don't.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like everybody has their own pattern of talking to strangers.
DeleteDepends on the situation.My natural instinct is to speak. In today's world of high density populations I think people protect their 'space' by not making eye contact.
ReplyDeleteKey phrase you use "high density population" I think that mans a lot as to whether we greet strangers.
DeleteI often talk to strangers if I am out for a walk or stroll. I tend to be in a good mood and smiling whenever I'm enjoying a walk and people seem to respond and say "hello". I also often chat with people in my elevator or hallways to get to know my neighbours a bit though I don't get overly familiar with them. They are all friendly and polite. Sometimes though when I'm going out and about I am just in my own world and don't even "see" people I actually know unless they get my attention, lol.I tend to be in my own zone when I'm running errands and so am not looking about to chat with everyone.
ReplyDeleteYou know yourself well.
DeleteI say hello to most people, yet my everyday world is very small so I know most of them and if I didn't greet them they would say hey stuckup! In Walmart I don't greet everyone but I try to smile at those who catch my eye:)
ReplyDeleteYou have fewer people in the country so you get to know them and talk to them.
DeleteI weigh up situations. If someone was approaching me on a country walk I would probably say hello and if they gave me eye contact we might even stop for an impromptu chat. If I happened to be in the affluent suburbs of Red Deer and I spotted you coming my way I would give you a big man hug and chat to you about Canadian women, moose and the various wars started by President Trump.
ReplyDeleteWell, in my suburb we talk about women, moose and trump but then we're not affluent!
DeleteI noticed since I am retired, men feel more need to conversations with strangers than women. I greet most people when I am walking or cycling on my own in a quiet place but don't have a conversation. My husband is different and often starts a conversation which can be very nice sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMy wife can get into great conversations with strangers. She is very curious about people.
DeleteI smile and speak to just about everyone I meet, on the street or in the grocery store, wherever. I love a friendly face and people who don't mind smiling back. Gosh, I'm bad about attracting folks who obviously haven't had anyone to talk to and I get to hear about all their ailments.
ReplyDeleteI like your last sentence. People who need to talk to someone can tell who to go to.
DeleteIt depends for me, too. On the trails, we might say hello to someone coming the opposite direction, but we don't strike up a conversation. It's different in town: I usually don't greet someone coming the other direction, but we often make eye contact and smile. Now if I'm sitting next to someone on a bus or plane, I always greet them if they are open to it. Not everybody is. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe certainly have to take a good look and decide if somebody is receptive to a chat. Eye contact and smile go a long way.
DeleteIt depends, indeed! I grew up in inner city Toronto. You just didn't. I was assaulted on the subway. You just don't talk to strangers!
ReplyDeleteThe factors and circumstances are key: where you grew up, where you are now, if you are in a rural or urban environment, if you are a female greeting a male and are alone or not!
We saw a man walking his dog on a birding path leading to the tower , and hubby was behind me. I usually greet people, even men, in that situation.
Sadly male female is a very different situation when it comes to greeting strangers.
Deletein my small town, i do say hello and smile and speak to them randomly. back in dallas, i did so in my office building, but not so much on the street.
ReplyDeleteAnd who said small towns are friendlier?
DeleteIt depends on where I am. This is a small city, so it's normal for people to greet each other on residential streets and certain parks or hiking trails. But greetings don't happen in malls or shops or those types of businesses, or in most public spaces with a lot of people around.
ReplyDeleteCrowded spaces make it difficult to make the judgement as to whether we greet or not.
DeleteNo mall in my little town. I often think its nice to hear, we are thinking of others around us.
ReplyDeleteGreeting does indicate we think of others.
DeleteFunny story about your former student! I'd say as a rule I don't greet people I don't know. There are just too many people out and about on the streets in London and in New YOrk (my former home). But when I lived in small-town Florida and went walking, I always said hi to whoever I passed -- because passing people there was a less common occurrence and chances are I might have known who they were, at least indirectly.
ReplyDeleteLost in a crowd is a phrase that comes to mind.
DeleteI usually speak to my people I meet. I have been told many times in my life I do not know a stranger.
ReplyDeleteGood for you to have the confidence to speak to people you don't know.
DeleteIn the city I just don't. I would on a hike.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason we tend to be in a hurry in the city.
DeleteI tend to talk to strangers. As you might have guessed, I'm very chatty.
ReplyDeleteYou also must get encouragement to talk to strangers by their reaction to you.
DeleteDepends on the situation. Walks and standing in lines makes it easier to make small talk, to share the day and enjoy the area. In cities your head would fall off if you tried to greet everyone. Then as a women, we tend to be far more circumspect in our greetings.
ReplyDeleteWe must make judgements at all times and sometimes the judgement has to be made very quickly.
DeleteHi Red, It's a good question. I think most people like to be acknowledged. A simple HI or Hello seems to be appreciated by most folks when I'm out walking. In the big city here, it's more common to pass strangers than acquaintances. I would always greet people I know. I thought it was funny how Joyful said (in her comment above) she doesn't speak even to people she knows unless they catch her attention. That's being a bit to focused on moving straight ahead for me. I think a lot of parents tell their kids not to talk to strangers. Well, I guess that's ok for kids, but for adults, I say make it a more friendly world and say Hi. Thanks for another good question!
ReplyDeleteI thought of the "don't talk to strangers" phrase when I wrote the post. I wonder how that influences people later on in life?
DeleteBeing naturally anti-social, not really
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I think it varies with where you are. Being a newcomer to The South, South Carolina Lowcountry, I was surprised by the amount of eye contact from strangers. They look right in your eyes when passing by and hold the gaze and ALWAYS speak. This was uncomfortable and intrusive to me when I first moved here but now I love it. Strangers speak to you everywhere, start up a conversation, while picking out bananas at the grocery store or even just passing each other with a shopping cart. This wouldn't happen in Minnesota where it is assumed people want their personal space. It takes some getting used to.
ReplyDeleteYes and No . I am most helpful and friendly to tourists and folks from away. I can read people quite well and usually know in an instant whether or not I shall talk. Great post.
ReplyDeleteIn spite of my very rare blog visits, these days, I'm so glad I happened upon this one. I love the city of Peterborouh for so many reasons but one of the best is that strangers talk to one another quite readily. Saying "hello" to someone in the park generally means "let's chat!" My walks usually last about an hour or a bit more. During that time, particularly during summer, I probably end up in about 2 or 3 conversations. In two separate instances, I've made friends and get together with people I'd have never known otherwise. I do indeed talk to strangers. :)
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