I called my spunky 89 year old friend the other night and she was a little down. I wrote about Dorothy and how a Least weasel got in her house and how she finally got it out of the house.
Right now Dorothy is facing some challenging problems. These are problems that come with aging. Her husband has been in care for three years with dementia. That's a big challenge by itself.
Dorothy has decided to move into a senior's residence rather than continue living in her duplex. She will be in the same complex as her husband but he is in the closed section for dementia people.
However, Dorothy wants to list her house on May 1 and has to clean it out. That's a challenge for most of us. Some people have stuff and then there's Dorothy. They had 4000 books! There are many very beautiful books.Her husband was a prof and Dorothy and environmentalist. Nothing was thrown away. Dorothy still has her ballet dance books.(half a shelf) Another full shelf contains her husband's journals.
So I was called over to take some of her books. I was polite and took 8 books. The only thing I could do was suggest places she might take the books.
Her sense of humor...there's a new thrift shop that's opened up a block from her house.
So downsizing and getting rid of personal effects is sad. Things that have all your memories are being disposed of. The final date is less than three weeks away.
So when I phoned Dorothy , I think she was a little overwhelmed by the situation.
Her comment was, "They're not making a backup pill yet so I'll just have to keep going." I like that term but I wouldn't take a back up pill.
Most of us will have to go through this step in our lives. It's not pleasant but should and has to be done. So although I'd like some books and would like to help dorothy get rid of some books, I'm in the same boat as Dorothy. I have to get rid of stuff.
I can sympathize with Dorothy. Now that Gregg is 70 and I am 67, the writing is on the wall. I don't think we have as many books but we have been passing them on to Goodwill and other places and we are busily trying to downsize.
ReplyDeleteYou're starting the process at a good age. Good luck.
DeleteThis is a difficult journey for anyone. And a journey we will all go through at some point. Eventually my mother's home and all the stuff in it will have to be sorted through and dealt with. My husband and I have decided to minimize and downsize while we still at young enough to cope with it. We've downsized our home and donated or recycled a lot of our things. I'd like to make it as easy as possible for my kids to settle our things after we're gone.
ReplyDeleteYou have the right idea. Good luck in achieving your goal.
DeleteI have been thinking about this a lot lately. We don't a lot of books, but we do have a lot of stuff, and most of it is meaningful. I do not look forward to having to drastically downsize.
ReplyDeleteI know that you will never part with the theme decorations for special times like Easter. Your blog wouldn't be the same if I didn't see how your house was decorated for Christmas.
DeleteI have to get busy on this again now that my cold is waning. I don't want to leave a huge house full of stuff for our kids to have to sort out. Actually I'm getting a load ready for the Diabetes Association to pick up this week. They come right to the door with their truck. I feel for Dorothy. She's having to do it all alone; it would be a little easier with her husband's help but that's not possible.
ReplyDeleteDownsizing is a never ending process. Dorothy has lots of good help.
DeleteI can certainly relate to this story. I've had to get rid of things for two people so far. It was a huge job. At least my sister culled much of her things before the end came and that really helped. My mom did try to cull things before moving into care but there was still so much to do as she wasn't planning to move in to care. I have a lot of my own things to cull and I've been trying hard. Still a long way to go. Good luck to Dorothy and to you.
ReplyDeleteYou're a saint for cleaning up a couple of places and a third one on the way. You will be getting good at it. Dorothy will be okay. she has lots of help.
DeleteWe have all houses full of stuff I am afraid. I try sometimes to get rid of some things but you don't even see it has gone....
ReplyDeleteI know the feeling. It's the little things that are the biggest problem. My canoes, piano and big things go easily.
DeleteThis is a difficult stage in life, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteThe things we value, our children do not. Any books we hoarded, they are simply not interested in. We just took some papers to be shredded. It is important to acknowledge that you are in a new stage. Embrace the change as an opportunity to learn and grow.
I recall my late dear friend who, when she & her hubby (with Alzheimer's Disease) put themselves into long-term care, said, "I've learned so much about myself here. Things I didn't know when I was younger.)
The memories still exist, you don't need the 'stuff' to know them. They are in your heart.
I would suggest you do a Life Review with your friend. It will help her honour her previous stages in life.
Dorothy made the same comment about memories rather than things. If things are straight forward it's not bad. If here are complications in a relationship each item is a debate.
DeleteIt seems to me that this business of downsizing as we get older is a challenge that hasn’t received the attention it deserves until recently. Marie Kondo has been very successful as author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. I think the most valuable suggestion she makes is, as you’re trying to declutter, take an item and ask if it “sparks joy” for you. If not, toss it out or give it away.
ReplyDeleteYour question gets right to the point. Cut sentimental out of the equation.
DeleteI rarely buy a book any more for just that reason. I either get it from the library where I can return it, or get it for my Kindle. But even so, now and then I just have to buy certain books that I love. They accumulate. :-)
ReplyDeleteI've always used the library. I got rid of university books years ago. we have some books that were gifts and sometimes picked up books from other sources. I was a sucker for taking books when the school library culled books.
DeleteA difficult thing to face in life.
ReplyDeletemy Dad ended life with $1600.. , five canes and his clothing!
DeleteWe've been downsizing and getting rid of books for three years now, in preparation for and then as a result of downsizing. I thought it was hard at first, for all the reasons you mention, but at some point I changed my attitude ... when you think about it, the process doesn't have to be sad, it can be enormously freeing and unencumbering. And let's face it, if the kids don't want it, if nobody else wants it, then the stuff probably is pretty close to worthless anyway, and not just financially but emotionally as well.
ReplyDeleteKey point here is changing attitude. Change your attitude and you can let go.
DeleteI am trying, it is really hard! I don't want our children left with piles of junk. I tackled most of the paperwork odd and ends this winter. :(
ReplyDeletei have aunt who is living with her daughter and patient of the same disease ,i feel bad for her but i know if i will live as long i will also have to face all this sometime i prefer to go back to my God happily without being much in trouble in this world where everyone is busty and you are left alone
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to eliminate life's treasures. That is a large library to downsize. There are many people who would offer a set amount for these treasures.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago I got rid of about a hundred and fifty art books I'd collected over the years, and art books can be big and heavy. I can sympathize with this woman and all her books.
ReplyDeleteIn the fullness of time you may indeed have to get rid of some stuff but leave it up to The Micro Manager. When you get back home after one of your birding walks all your stuff will be gone apart from a spare pair of underpants, some socks and your toothbrush. That's all you need.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is, in many cases, no matter how old we are we have to get rid of stuff. We ALL have too much stuff!
ReplyDeleteLike most of your commenters I've been trying to rationalise and downsize recently (for the past 5 years actually) but this year I am making a serious effort.
ReplyDeleteWe got rid of most of our books (we still have too many) when we moved back to Hawaii from Chicago about 9 years ago. Our problem is the photo albums. I've scanned most of ours. We have mom's too, but I have no idea who everybody is. I know I should go over them with her, but it's daunting. Downsizing is awful!
ReplyDeleteWow! I love books and have lots, but 4,000 is incredible! I am trying to pare down now and keep at it as time goes on. It doesn't help that I'm married to someone who likes to keep everything!
ReplyDelete