THE DREADED COLONOSCOPY

    Kay at Musings gave a detailed description of the nasty preparation that has to be done in preparation for a colonoscopy. She didn't miss anything and it felt just like I was doing the prep.

    For those who have been lucky enough not to have had a colonoscopy, it's a little procedure where they go in with a flexible tube (Good thing it's very flexible)  that has a small camera on the end. The camera takes photos of the interior of the colon. Since colon cancer is somewhat common and easy to detect with the device , these tests are quite common. They look at the general health of the colon and if there are any indications of cancer.

     To do this test your colon must be completely empty. Kay told about this part. It's not pleasant.

     My purpose isn't to discuss the colonoscopy but to tell about two colonoscopies I had.

   I had the first colonoscopy many years ago. A student was going to do the test.  Now I didn't tell you where they shove the rod and camera- yes right in  the anus, the handy hole in the behind. Well the student was all ready and he shoved the device. He missed the hole! What a jolt that was. He said, "Oops, sorry about that!" It's an experience I will never forget. In those days they didn't use any anesthetic.

    The last test I had was for a 12:30 PM appointment. I like to get a first thing in the morning appointment because then I can go home and eat.

     Well. 12:30 or nothing.  I was rolled into the room and prepared. Then they told me that the doctor had gone home to let his dog out and I would have to wait! Wow! What do you do? All dressed up with no where to go.

    Now as miserable as the test is I would always recommend that it be done. It's a very accurate test and if cancer is picked up early it can be successfully treated.

Ya Gotta Let the Dog Out

     A few months ago I was ordered to undergo one of those invasive procedures where they "just have a look inside." They phoned and gave me a 12:30 PM appointment. I tried to tell them that this wasn't an appropriate time. They had little time for me and abruptly told me the doctor was going away and this was my only chance for an appointment. What else could a poor boy do?

     Don't worry. I'm still on my topic.

     Some of you know the drill for this test. Ya gotta empty your whole digestive system of every microscopic particle. The way they do this is start you at 2:00PM the previous day with a marvelous drink. You have to drink two liters in a little more than an hour. After that, the contents of your digestive system make a hasty exit. You don't feel at all well at this time. For supper you can have liquids. You have to get up at 4:00 AM and drink another two liters of the vile stuff in an hour and a half. No more food after that.

     So after this punishment you feel absolutely miserable and you haven't eaten since lunch time the previous day.

     So like a good boy I arrive at the institution at 10:30 AM for preparation of the procedure. This goes tickety - boo and I'm in the bed with all the necessary piping in place. 

    I haven't forgotten about the dog!

    Around 12:15 PM I'm rolled into the "room" and placed on the viewing table and the remainder of the preparations are made. You remember I protested the 12:30 PM appointment. 

    I was ready at exactly 12:30 PM as there was a big clock on the wall I could watch. 

   At 12:30 PM they told me the doctor wasn't there at that time. The told me "The doctor had gone home to let the dog out!"

   They thought and I thought it would only be a few minutes. When did the doctor come back? At exactly 1:00 PM!

    Well we got the job done. So after a miserable procedure in the first place I was finally able to get home by about 2:30  PM for a bit of lunch. And I didn't have coffee for more than 24 hours!

    Well what do you do? By this time I was just happy to have the procedure over with and be out of there.

    It will be a long time before I forget about the doctor who had to let his dog out.