I few weeks ago when I had problems with my blog I enlisted my daughter's assistance. My daughter is good with computers. If you remember I couldn't open anybody's post and read it.
I asked for help. Many people gave me hints and advice. Thanks to all who tried to help me. None of it worked. My daughter ended up giving the same hints...nothing new.
I put my daughter on my blog as an author. Then she could check my settings and change them if they need to be changed. Before she got a chance to dig around in the settings the problem suddenly solved itself.
Now there was another reason for getting my daughter on my blog as an author. I wanted her to do some writing on my blog.
So the other day I made the big pitch to her. I suggested that she write about her Dad. I gave her a few topics.
I talked about not asking my Dad questions before he died. So I suggested to her that she write a post asking me questions. Okay she said, "You can ask me questions." She can turn things around in a hurry. So I got a writing assignment too.
Now I got thinking about the situation. We don't know what to ask our parents because we don't know enough about them. I could tell by the blank in her voice that she had no idea what to ask me.
Then I thought about asking my daughter questions. I couldn't really think of anything. I know everything about my daughter ( I think) as I have lived with her all my life even though she lives far away.
When my daughter was in her early twenties she suddenly bought a small condo. She did not ask for advice. She just bought the thing and made the deal by herself...no help from Dad. So I've always wondered how she put things together to make the deal.
How about you? What would you ask your parents? what would you ask your kids?
There are many things I would love to ask my parents and grandparents now, but of course now is too late. It seems like so often we don't think about all those things we would like to know when our parents are still around. I would ask my Dad about his time in Europe during WWII. I would ask both of my parents about their earliest memories as well as their memories of being young adults and just starting out their lives. I would ask my sons about how they felt about their life at various stages and what prompted them to make any major changes in their lives.
ReplyDeleteGood post Red. If only we thought about these things when we could still ask the questions and get the answers. I look forward to reading your daughter's post!
I think most of us are the same . we are tongue tied when it comes to this type of question. When they tell us something we think of more questions.
DeleteMy son bought his first home when he was 21, he fixed it up while living in it. My son is a quite person, I have to drag information out of him by asking him questions. Take care, have a great day.
ReplyDeleteYour son is the typical male who doesn't say much.
DeleteI found lots of old photos in my mother's things. Soldiers during the war. I'd have asked about that.
ReplyDeleteIt takes photos or something else to make our memory come up with more questions.
DeleteI would ask my kids what has made them happiest in their lives thus far? What goals do they still have to meet? How do they think their growing up experience was different from most and did they like that or wish it was different? What do they think makes them similar to their parents and how are they different from them? I guess I could go on and on, best put on the teapot!!
ReplyDeleteYou trigger a lot of good ideas here. Sometimes we think the other person knows things and we don't talk about it.
DeleteI would ask my father more about his relationship with his father when he was a child. I know some things. I’d like to know more.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how everybody fits in.
DeleteIf I could ask my parents about their lives I would ask about all the moments that made them happy, that made their hearts soar. I would want to know every moment of joy.
ReplyDeleteThat's a very positive track to go on. Keep things positive.
DeleteI would ask my mum questions about the babies who died between me and my sisters. Was she nervous when she was pregnant with me? How did she deal with the grief? How did dad deal with the grief? I would ask more questions about my sister's accident too. How long did it take her to walk again? Could she talk when she woke up from the coma? Did she have any rehab? Many, many questions.
ReplyDeleteEach person has very different questions. I think many people are unaware of lost pregnancies or infants.
DeleteI find myself wondering if we're not able to even think of the question until it's too late.
ReplyDeleteI think some topics come up easily. we tend to ask things that happened in our life time and before we were born questions are difficult.
DeleteShe sounds like a wonderful independent young lady.
ReplyDeleteShe was independent right from the start.
DeleteMy mother was a talker. She talked about family and the past. But I still think of things I would like to ask about. Sue and I aren't talkers in that sense. I wonder what they will wish they could have asked. They will have my blog, but that doesn't cover all that much personal stuff. Well, it does and it doesn't if you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteBoth my Mom and Da were story tellers. However, we forget some of the things they talked about.
DeleteI do know quite a bit about my parents, between the things they told me and the things they wrote. My mother did not like talking about herself, but I had longer with her so I got more.
ReplyDeleteI suspect my daughter has a lot that I don't know about but still I do know most of her story. Same with my son.
I think it's different with children as we've always lived with them. There are large sections of my son's life that I don't know about.
DeleteMore than asking questions, I started telling my parents some stories of my youth now that the statute of limitations had expired! They also fessed up to some stories that they kept to themselves so not to seem like poor parents.
ReplyDeleteYes, there are some escapades we had that we couldn't talk about until Dad was in his 90's.
DeleteI would like to ask my mother about her mother, who left (or was thrown out by my grandfather) when my mother was about eight years old. The only time she has ever talked about her was to tell me she had died, and that was, in her words, so I wouldn't hear it from someone else. Any other information I have has come from my aunt, my mother's younger sister, and I know it's very subjective so I don't know how much to rely on it. I'd like to know if my grandmother passed on any of her personality to me through my mother. My mom is so much like her father - my grandfather - I see it more every day, especially as her dementia allows certain characteristics to show more than they used to. That's a long answer to a short question. We talk about how life was when she was growing up so I don't have any questions around those things.
ReplyDeleteMy father talked a lot about his family and his life, and talked openly, so I know more about that.
As far as my kids go, I'd like to ask how they felt about their childhoods; did they feel loved and secure, or is there anything they've wondered about and would like more information about. I want them to always feel they can ask if they wish to. I'd also like to ask if they have a general vision of what they want their lives to be in the long term.
Good questions, Red. I hope your daughter can put together a post for you.
There are some life stories that are tragic. Break ups have occurred to make things difficult.
DeleteAfter my parents were gone, there were so many old photos, none with names or notes. I'd ask them what/who/where/when
ReplyDeleteOlder people didn't seem to write on their photos. I guess they thought everybody knew who was in the photos.
DeleteMore than missing their stories, I miss my parents, especially my mother. Sometimes I think, Just around the corner I'll find a phone to call my mother.
ReplyDeleteI would like to know more about my parents as teenagers! They are pretty close mouthed about that time in their lives. My Mother was engaged once before becoming engaged to my Dad. I would ask my kids about how they felt about growing up. :)
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wonder what our parents would think if they could come back and see us for a moment.
ReplyDeleteI would ask my mother for more detail about being abandoned by her parents in the early nineteen thirties. I would ask my father about training to be a teacher at St John's College, York - also in the nineteen thirties. I would ask my son if he has ever snorted cocaine. I would ask my daughter how many cigarettes she smoked when she was in high school.
ReplyDeleteI have many questions I'd ask my parents if I could. I'd like to know about those times I know they almost separated and how they managed to stay together. Good post, Red!
ReplyDeleteI have asked my daughters what they remember about certain happenings in our family and been quite surprised how different their memories of them are than mine. Also, I have a feeling that there are a few “happenings” in their lives that I still don’t want to know about! One came up recently that they hid their bicycle helmets I insisted on their wearing in a bush as soon as they were out of sight of the house.
ReplyDeleteActually, I can think of a lot of questions to ask, but not on the spot. I'm putting a list together, so buckle up Daddy-o! And yeah, why not have it work both ways? I'm guessing my parents wonder a thing or two about me from time to time, so fair's fair in this game.
ReplyDeleteSome good advice when it comes to conversations within a family is never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to. If you do it anyway, prepare to be shocked, saddened, or angered.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful blog
ReplyDeleteLots of interesting comments and your replies too. Hiawatha House is on a roll! :-)
ReplyDeleteThis was such an interesting post, Red and it really got me thinking. I don’t think my kids would ask us anything because I’ve made so many family photobooks for them with tons of information, probably more than they felt they needed to know. My daughter tells me everything so there’s not much to ask her. My son? I probably have a million questions about what he was feeling and why at certain times of his life.
ReplyDeleteYou pointed out a really important thing here dear Red
ReplyDeleteI bet most of people never thought about it or they didn't care about the matter at all.
My parents were completely opposite to each other. Mom would tell stories of her life repeatedly when ever she would find time. She would tell us about good and bad regarding life and how we should deal with it.she was incredibly wise and foresighted.
One the other hand my father was most quite person I ever saw.he would talk occasionally and to the point.therefoe times were rare when they both got into chat pleasantly. And this is reason I could never forget those special moments nor I will. I am particularly grateful that creator has gifted us to develop memories in life!
I tried hard when grew up to make my father speak and tell about his life and share his heart with us but I could never had the key to open that door which remained closed completely till his death.
Your daughter looks precious young lady :)