I listened to a talk show the other day about people who have children and don't want them. It's a topic that touches me greatly.
Having spent my career working with children, I've seen it all. There are many reasons why people may not want the children they have. Parents may try to keep that issue private but kids know what's going on.
It is very cruel to kids when they are not wanted. Rejection influences every part of a kid's life. I've seen kids struggle in school performance, behavior and socialization.
My children were adopted. I often think of the procedure we had to go through.
We had to have a serious discussion with each other if we really wanted children. My view was that I could have a happy satisfying life with children or without. We chose to adopt.
Now we had just moved to a new area so we thought we'd get an application in.
First of all, there was an extensive application form. We had to get number of references. Then, there was a two hour interview. We were really made to think about things.
We were told that there could be a two year wait so the clock started ticking. A placement was made in three months and it took us completely by surprise. We did not have any baby clothes or furniture. We had to ask for extra time to buy things.
They show you the baby and then they ask a number of times if we want the child. That was hard. I wondered what they were doing.
So what I'm thinking is that if all people had to go through this procedure that there might be fewer problems of parents not wanting the children they've got.
It's a much different world than when women stayed in the home. Now both parents are out of the home and care is shared by other organizations.
And yes, both my kids will be reading this post and they will make comments to Dad.
Oddly enough, I have been thinking of late how cruel the anti-abortionists are, insisting on children being born to families who cannot properly take care of them.
ReplyDeletethere are enough unwanted children as it is.
DeleteOh if we could all feel loved and cherished! The world would be a much happier place!
ReplyDeleteGreat statement here.
DeleteIt is sad that people would even have children if they did not want them.
ReplyDeleteTake care, have a happy weekend.
the people they were talking about had children and then decided they didn't want them.
DeleteI often think about the many hoops that prospective adopters have to jump through. Like you, I've seen the results of poor parenting. It's heart-breaking.
ReplyDeleteOften these kids don't know what is going on but they are extremely unhappy.
DeleteI'm glad you were able to give your children a good life, Red.
ReplyDeleteThey were the best kids I could every have.
DeleteConfirmed ;)
DeleteI like what Marie Smith said.
ReplyDeleteDitto. Very wise.
DeleteI think it's important that all kids be loved.
ReplyDeleteThere are different ways to show love so something should be able to be worked out.
DeleteI think all parents should be vetted, but that's not the way it's done, unless you are adopting. Your children were so lucky to have you as parents.
ReplyDeleteEven some parent courses would make a difference. Marriage courses should be more stringent .
DeleteIt' so much easier to conceive a child than to care for them for the next 18 or more years. I like what Anvilcloud said. Unwanted children happen all to often.
ReplyDeletethere's really no thought about conception. I'm sure that many times it's quite accidental and a big surprise.
DeleteYou gave your children the best you have and it turned out great for both you and the kids.
ReplyDeleteWe are not expected to be a super parent just a good one.
DeleteIt is heartbreaking that there are so many people in this world who don't value their children, while others would do anything at all to have a child. Seems unfair, doesn't it?
ReplyDeleteTwo of the biggest decisions in life (marriage and children) are so often done without much (if any) knowledge of what they involve. I think all prospective partners and parents would be well served by the kind of scrutiny you had to undergo to adopt your children.
ReplyDeleteGood job on raising your children. You did well.
ReplyDeleteIt is nice that the witness Brian T. Kline was able to confirm that your son and daughter were "the best kids" you could have and that you gave them a good life. Without you and Jean - who knows how their lives might have turned out.
ReplyDeleteAdopted children are chosen! You and The Micro Manager did well!
ReplyDeleteI suppose there is a reason they kept asking if you wanted the child, maybe people go home and change their mind? But it does feel awfully cruel. Good job :)
ReplyDeleteI've heard about the care taken in choosing parents for adoptive children. Several of my friends adopted children and were blessed both ways like you and your wonderful Micro Manager.
ReplyDeleteI did have one friend though who was single and wanted to adopt a daughter but when the social worker discovered she was a heavy smoker, denied it.
I imagine the adoption agency knew they struck gold when they met you and Micro Manager. Which is probably why you were chosen so quickly.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life Red. It's a very heartwarming story.
ReplyDeleteHaving kids was the best thing I ever did and I can't imagine not wanting them but our ability to love is nlimited by the love we receive so I guess some of us will never be able to really enjoy children, they are just so very demanding
ReplyDeleteI feel really sad to read such topics dear Red!
ReplyDeleteI agree that such decisions should be made before bringing them to the world.
I have seen couples who cannot have children, despite having everything they feel poor.
I believe most of the ugliness of the world comes from such grown ups who were not treated affectionately by their parents while growing up
I agree with you. If prospective parents were vetted the same as adoptive parents, things might be different. I got pregnant when I was only twenty years old and had no clue what parenting was all about. I did a poor job with my son, and only slightly better with my daughters sadly. I was not a good parent. I was usually overwhelmed, an alcoholic husband who worked out of town, a disabled daughter, and undiagnosed ADHD in myself, along with severe depression, it was a shit show. I'm trying to do better with my grandson but I'm terrified honestly.
ReplyDelete