CONVERSATIONS ON DEMENTIA

       Being in my mid eighties , I find more and more that former colleagues, old friends and relatives have someone in the family with dementia. I can understand that people get  dementia. It's a horrible condition which robs people of normal functions. It's extremely stressful for family as they go through the challenges of looking after one. 

     One thing that bothers me around dementia is the conversations we have or don't have about the condition. Some people are in denial and don't want to talk about the situation. Other people don't want to talk about the dementia patient in front of them as it may be very confusing for the patient. 

    So unless there are situations where relatives and caregivers can communicate without the patient in attendance, much needed communication is not done. 

    You hear from people that they feel so alone as they care for someone with dementia. It's very sad. 

     I have a friend who has yet to tell me that his wife has dementia. This dance has been going on for more than 2 years. I hear bits and pieces from relatives and friends. 

   So my question is, how do we communicate and support the caregivers and family of someone with dementia? How do we talk to someone with dementia when it progresses through it's many stages?

    My father had Parkinson's. I can tell you that regular people have great difficulty when it comes to dealing with somebody who is irrational. 

THE LAST CHALLENGE

    The challenges I've described in previous posts all happened within 10 days. However, they got me to the location where I was going to teach.

    I had to face one more challenge but this one took a little longer. I looked forward to my first paycheck. It didn't come. I was sure I'd get a paycheck in October. Nothing doing. I got my first paycheck at the end of November. I forget if I got all three months at once or if it was messed up and I got back pay. I didn't really need money except at that time I smoked. 

    Now there had to be an explanation for all the problems we faced. I was not the only one who had problems. All the new teachers experienced the same challenges. Some of them got checks in Sept. Some got checks in early Dec.

    At the time the Northwest Territories were governed by a council of 15 members. They operated out of Ottawa . Most members of the council had never been in the territories and some could have cared less . These councillors were political appointees. Ottawa is 4107 miles from Inuvik. There were no telephone lines out of the territories to the "outside". There were no roads. Govt. administration staff was very small. There were no scheduled flights to anywhere. All flights were charters. As you can see there was a formidable challenge for the administration to get their work done. There was some intermittent radio contact especially to the more isolated staff. Staff in smaller settlements were dropped off in Sept. and there usually was only one or two flights in during the year. So they got mail a couple of times a year.

    Inuvik had an all weather airstrip and a modern terminal. Pacific Western Airline started scheduled flights the first year I was there. There were to be two flights a week. However we went two weeks without flights several times. Transportation and communication improved rapidly after I got there. A telephone line was constructed to the outside world. I could phone home to mother!

   The council that governed us was changed from Ottawa to Yellowknife which was in the Territories. Six members of the council had to be northern residents. 

    Changes came rapidly with improved transportation and communication. It was a rough ride at the beginning but improvements were made.

    My teacher followers are wondering about the school so that comes next.

   

I Talk to Skateboarders

    Whenever I get an opportunity to talk to skateboarders I take advantage of it. I know some people will say , " What does he think he's doing?" 

     I think most people think skateboarders have extreme attitude so stay away from them. Skateboarders are sometimes intimidating as they can be loud, rough and unruly. It's easy to see that an out of control skater or board may hit you. 

    By ignoring skaters we tend to isolate them

. Two groups of people ignore each other and do not know what the other is about. Without communication, misunderstandings can develop and then it's downhill from there.

   So anytime I have an opportunity to talk to skaters I jump at it. You can't just barge into a group of skaters. The opportunity has to be there. Not an invitation, but an opportunity.

   Last night I had an opportunity and used it. Three skaters were stopped on a small footbridge. A couple of little skaters cut me off and I had to stop. There I was with the three boarders. I made some comment about an awkward move and that got things going. Skaters love to talk if you show that you are the least bit interested in their activity. These three were very late teens and one maybe early twenties. They were well spoken and knew about their equipment and activity. 

    These three skaters had long boards and used them for travelling. In other words they went from place to place on skate boards. They think that skate boards would be great for commuting to work. They told me about the structure of the boards and how they were laminated with special glues to make them strong. Two of these guys weighed over 200 lbs. They talked about the smaller skateboards used for tricks. 

   Ages of skaters were talked about and what each age was interested in. Some of the long boards are used for going downhill at the highest speed you can get. These skaters continually look for different hills. 

   After 10 - 15 minutes these guys were ready to continue their trip and politely took their leave. 

   I've also talked to individuals who try various tricks. I met a young guy numerous times last year when I was riding. He explained some of his moves. Just by watching I couldn't tell how he did things. I met this kid a half dozen times when we would stop and talk.

   I think it pays dividends all around to talk to skaters. I'm passionate about not creating exclusive groups. Make people feel as if they belong in this world and they will contribute positively to life.

The old cyclist from 2009

Be Cautious When Communicating With Seniors

       Communication with seniors can become great comedy. Slips can be made and the communication takes great leaps of logic to confusing ends.

      Things can easily get twisted in senior communication. Seniors don't hear well so they may hear things that are very different from what was spoken. Seniors can be thinking of something else and relate what was said to a completely different topic.

      Yesterday was my turn to provide some comedy in the communication field. I had advertised my canoe on Kijiji. Someone phoned and asked if she could see the canoe and wanted to know what time she could come. We agreed on 2 PM. I asked her what her name was. The first time she said her name , I didn't get it. The next time I got Maxine out of it. I repeated Maxine,' and said, "Okay, Maxine at 2 PM."

     I went outside in the afternoon. Shortly before 2 PM my wife answered the phone and someone was explaining they couldn't make the 2 PM appointment , but could she come at 3 PM. Again , my wife asked for a name and got Kathleen. And said, Okay Kathleen, we'll see you at 3 PM."

     After these two occurrences I'm not sure who the person was who actually phoned. They never showed up. Probably both of us were wrong. Why didn't "Maxine " or "Kathleen" correct us?

     I go with my wife to some of her medical appointments. Physicians will ask her a question and she goes on about something else. Finally, I say, "Answer the question". Doctors have good reasons for asking a question. Logic is going on in their heads as they want to relate the answer to the previous question and decide what to ask next. Some physicians will go on from a non answer. I wish they would rephrase the question and insist on an answer. "A final answer!"

      Now I admit that I provide my share of senior miscommunication. I admit that I don't hear well. I also admit that I don't listen very well. I can get into trouble in a hurry. Sometimes I come home and suddenly think, "Did I ever mess up that conversation." 

      However, life goes on. somehow we get through things and make sense and meaning of the conversation.

Friends

I have friends

Here they are!

A lonely little birch twig

My birch twig friends

Lilac seeds

And lots of lilac seeds

A lot of pretty friends

    Last year I heard a very interesting talk about the idea that trees can communicate. Apparently quite a bit of research has been done and there's a number of  indications that trees actually do communicate. Trees communicate if there is a sickness or disease to others so that they can protect themselves. Sound far fetched? The speaker made  strong case that makes it sound reasonable that trees have some method of communication.

     So my little trees have their friends to be with on these cold winter days.

For Me; A book I Should Have Read a Long time Ago

    I've just read Nonviolent Communication a Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a book I should have read many years ago but I couldn't because it just came out in 2003. There are many excellent books on good communication. Many cover the same territory as Rosenberg covers but Rosenberg has made the message more concise and practical. After you read this book you will have some practical things you can use.

    Rosenberg covers four areas: Giving form the heart, Compassion, observing without evaluating and identifying and expressing feelings.

    I was a teacher and every day I saw how important good communication was. The more accurate and particular you were the more successful things were.. 

    You had to watch your students for cues from them as to how they were feeling and how they were reacting. Sometimes missing a clue could make a big difference. I asked all my classes to watch what I did when I first came in the classroom. They really didn't know so after some prompting they saw what I was doing. I made sure that I looked at every student to see if there were any clues I should pick up from them. This made sense to the kids. I also suggested that they do the same for me. Check me out. Am I in a bad mood? 

   Sometimes dealing with parents  required care or you could end up in a nasty conversation. Looking back at some difficult interviews usually showed that I missed something.

    So Rosenberg's book puts things in a format the is practical. If you follow his ideas you can avoid some nasty communications problems and solve problems once you're in them. He gives examples with students, couples, staffs and street groups. 

    So if you like books on communication, this is a good one.

Communication With Children on Health Issues.

     So my previous post on communication with children was setting the stage for talking to children about their health conditions. Most of the time we do a good job of communicating with our children. Sometimes we could do better. When it comes to health issues it is crucial that we get it right.

     My story is this.   It happened a long time ago...in the late forties. The world was a different place. When I was seven or eight years old I began having "spells" as my mother called them. I was taken in to the old country doctor and he diagnosed my condition as epilepsy. I'm not sure if he explained to my mother what the condition was . I'm not sure if my mother understood what was going on. I certainly didn't understand and had many misconceptions that frightened me. I thought I had something that I would die from! My mother was warned to watch that I didn't swallow my tongue. I thought the condition I had related to my heart and even little kids knew that heart attacks kill people. I also sensed that there was a great stigma related to this condition. People had strange ideas about it and thought those who had epilepsy were somewhat deranged. This adds to a kid's anxiety.

    I was given medication. I was given responsibility for taking the medication. Often I didn't take the medication so had more seizures. 

    So my example illustrates what I have to say. It is extremely important that we explain to children what medical condition they have. Children understand much more than we give them credit for. Sometimes the child's anxiety and loneliness is worse than the condition itself. Yet, people still do not take the time to fully explain conditions to children.

    Fortunately I had what is known as juvenile epilepsy and when I hit puberty the epilepsy stopped. 

   Now three years ago I was diagnosed with seizures again! Of course, I thought the diagnosis was wrong because after all I had experience with seizures and these seizures were not remotely the same as what I had as a child. So I came home and immediately went on the Internet and found that my specialist was right. 

    It's now known that in many situations a seniors forgetfulness and confusion is caused by senior epilepsy.

   So maybe communication has to be carefully done with older people too or at least with this elderly person.

   I am doing well. I do not have any seizures. I take my medication but the medication has side effects. It bothers my balance.

Communication with Children

    Since all the years of my career were spent with children , communication with children is extremely important. There's no one right or wrong way to talk to children...there are many ways. Each child is different as each adult is unique and so there will automatically be variations. 

    Basically all we have to do is focus attention on the child and make sure that we are speaking to the individual. We are talking to a human being so just because the person happens to be a child doesn't mean we have to change from our normal pattern of speech. Sometimes we see people using exaggerated baby talk to communicate with little kids . It may be cute and fun but the kid doesn't learn much when things are dumbed down.

    One of my favorite short stories was about a boy who went to the store with his Dad to buy a pair of shoes. The clerk talked to the Dad and the Dad relayed the clerk's message to the kid. When the kid answered he spoke to his Dad and his Dad relayed the message to the clerk. It's a well told story and is a good illustration of what not to do. If anybody knows this story , tell me the author and a title as I can not remember them. 

    We don't have to over simplify our speech. Speak to the kid's level. Kids know when we're dumbing things down and we lose some credibility 

     Sometimes we have to catch a kid's attention. Most people yell and they do get the kid's attention but the yelling raises the stress level so, you have the kid's attention but have increased the stress. A stressed conversation usually doesn't go well. Patience helps. Take a deep breath. Lower your voice an octave. It usually catches their attention and doesn't cause any side effects. 

    Talking to kids is sometimes a challenge that increases our stress and things can get complicated in a hurry. I know. I've been there. I just know that if you can discipline yourself the conversation can be beneficial and fun. I like talking to kids on our street. It's always a pleasant part of my day and I usually learn something in a very interesting way.