SENIOR CARE

     I've been enjoying a series on senior care on the CBC's  the Current. 

     Today they had a couple of sisters talking about the care of their mother and step father. They described a tremendous amount of push and pull. The mother and step dad wanted to stay in their home and look after themselves. The sisters know that the step Dad is struggling to cope. The sisters feel guilt about putting their mother in care. There are many different issues competing with each other with the potential decisions that are going to have to be made.  

    Who makes the decisions. The person with dementia is still cognizant enough to be in on the decision but can't make a rational decision. Family members don't always agree. The siblings doing the most care feel that they should have more clout in the decision. 

    It was interesting to listen to these two sisters discuss their mother's care. 

   Not all families have a nice cut and dried family dynamic. 

   Our family had a different set up. My Dad had remarried so there was a step Mom. Dad was the one who developed Parkinson's and needed care. For a few years our Step Mom was able to look after Dad. She had 2 of her own children in the community.

   Our Step Mom had things figured out. For a decision she would call Dad's 4 sons. She was skillful in getting us to agree to the same thing. Then she would  go to Dad and say, " the boys say..." Then he would agree.

   It finally came to the point where Dad had to go in care. He didn't want to live in care so told our Step mom the he would go back home which was 300 miles away. She asked Dad how he was going to get there. He said he'd take the train. The train hadn't run for 50 years. That was the end of the discussion.

   Even though our step mom has been gone for a long time she still deserves a pat on the back.

   Our step Mom died before Dad so Dad did get to go back home but in the nursing home. 

SENIOR CARE

      Most of the time I listen to a CBC program from 8:30 to 10:00 AM. It covers topics of current interest or if it's not of current interest, they will make it current interest. 

     A while ago they had a series on care for seniors. They had experts from various fields and covered the usual topics of health, housing and quality of life.

    They set it up so that listeners could keep on commenting through emails. People write in and it's surprising how many different options there are. There are may family controlled and organized accommodations for lodging and care. Everybody has their own story.

    It's interesting to listen to those stories and realize there are many options. 

    The big problem is that many elderly do not have options. Some have very limited finances. Some have health issues that limit their options. Some people don't want any of the options and want to live independently. Sometimes independence is not an option. So we have some people who are unhappy with the options.

    It's a challenge for society to care for the elderly. In the fifties my grandfather lived in our home for his last 5 years. In some ways it was good and then there were problems. My Mom had an extra load to look after him. I think he always felt that he was a guest who required special treatment. I'm sure he would have been happier living on his own but that was not an option.

    So often I listen to this information and all of a sudden I say "That's me they're talking about." As long as we're healthy we can sail along and remain independent. But there will come a time when independence is not an option.

   All we can do is make some realistic plans. We have looked at senior accommodation. After that we don't know what we're doing. 

    

BIG NUMBERS

     So the big number here is about age. I mentioned my brother's age and it's very senior although he might disagree with me.

    Coming to this age, there should be some very important decisions made. I can't make those decisions. 

    We've looked at five senior residences. There's a wide variety of accommodations and prices. We know the one we would chose and have given them our name. These are two bedroom with small living room and a few kitchen facilities but not enough to live there and do your own cooking. You eat at the facility. So for around $4000.00 a month you have your accommodation and food. There also could be some care.

     So what's my problem. I like my house and yard! I get pleasure out of growing a garden and watching other plants develop.

     Well, I have a second problem which is bigger than the first. We have a lot of "stuff". Some one is finding it very hard to part with the stuff. Over the years we've got rid of big stuff and lots of little stuff too but there's still an amazing amount here. So the longer we wait, the more likely the decision will be forced upon us. 

    So I'm not looking for advice. I know what to do but I have put some roadblocks in the way. 

    Meanwhile, life is good. 

SO I HATE SHOPPING

       Did I ever tell you I hate shopping? Well, my blog says I told you in five posts that I dislike shopping. 

       So what am I having to shop for now?

       The Micro Manager and I are both in our 80's. Our kids don't live near us. One in Chicago and one on the west coast. We don't have any relatives here. But this is home and we like it. However, common sense tells us that we should make some arrangements just in case the wheels fall off the bus. So we decided to look at the facilities and see what they're like. 

     So we started looking at the various types of senior accommodation. I'll tell you, "It's a zoo out there." 

     Each facility has it's own unique business model for care. So one place looked pretty good. The people were active and looked happy. The food was good and people told us they like it there. People were visiting and participating in activities. But, you pay a damage deposit and you don't get it back.

     The next place is larger. They look after dementia people . They have personal care and then independent living. People didn't seem to be doing anything. In fact, I saw very few people. The people I did see didn't look very happy or stimulated. In this facility you can transition through the stages. In the first smaller facility If you can't live independently you have to move to another facility. 

     I also found out that there are certain situations where you could be government funded but that would get very complicated and you wouldn't have a choice of where you lived. 

    There are many smaller differences too numerous to mention . In one facility you need to buy very little and the other you buy many personal items. 

    Rents are similar. 

   So we are going to look at more facilities.

   I can tell you one thing and that is that we wouldn't want to be in these facilities with our present health. People in these places are in much poorer condition. 

   However, I'm kicking the tires to see what's out there. 

    And I still hate shopping!